Ipse Dixit: Civilian Aphorisms

• Jurisdiction: United States
• Publication year: 2022

Ipse Dixit: Civilian Aphorisms

So it's Mardi Gras Day, 2014. The weather is terrible—rainy, windy, and cold. I am nice and warm, doing something incredibly boring: catching up on that large stack of legal (and other) magazines I promised myself to read someday. Today's the day.

One article catches my eye about how lawyers use arcane language and that we should all endeavor to use "plain English" and stop using language like "with all of its appurtenances thereunto appertaining," "to the contrary notwithstanding," "WITNESSETH: Know all men by these presents, to wit," and stuff like that.

I thought to myself: Lawyers use this type of verbiage because it's "tried and true" tested "boilerplate" language repeatedly approved by the courts—plus it keeps non-lawyers off balance.

We civilians, however, take this to a level never even dreamed of by those common people . . . excuse me, those common law people. Not only does our legalese keep non-lawyers out, it also keeps all foreigners out, including foreign lawyers, what with our pacts de non alienando, our oblique actions, and our "paraphing" things ne varietur.

Don't you just love it? Our own civilian arcane language works in most any area in which you practice. Let's look in as the civilian lawyer speaks to the "foreign" referring lawyer on the phone. . . .

Contracts

"Well, the first thing we need to do in order to properly analyze this contract—under Louisiana civilian concepts—is to determine if it is a commodatum, and then whether it is a synallagmatic contract, innominate contract, or an aleatory one, and, if so, does it contain a potestative condition, a dation en paiment, or a stipulation pour autrui."

Referral agreement signed.

Wills

"Thank you for sending us a copy of the de cujus' testament. It was made quite some time ago, so before we homologate it, we have to see if it was in proper form to qualify as either a mystic will, an olographic will, a nuncupative public, nuncupative private or statutory will and whether the testator made any prohibited donations either as a usufructuary or as a naked owner, because then collation may occur."

Referral agreement signed.

Personal Injury

"Using respondeat superior or negotium gestio, we may be able to file an action ex delicto for loss of consortium, finding all of these tortfeasors liable in solido, being careful, of course...