Chapter 2

• Jurisdiction: United States

Chapter 2 Persuasive Communication Skills

When I was a new lawyer, I was eager to give advice and tell clients what they should do. After all, I had spent many years in college and law school, and I believed that I had much wisdom to impart. Wisdom was in shorter supply than I thought. But over the course of four decades, experience has been an excellent, if sometimes harsh, teacher. One of the most important lessons: action and reaction are at the heart of practically everything we do.

When a potential client first calls, the way he or she is treated by you or your staff will affect whether they come in or go somewhere else. When potential clients come for the initial appointment, their decision to retain you can depend on their reaction to your manner. When you are talking with opposing counsel, the difference between reaching agreement or battling over a motion may be based on whether you provoked or were conciliatory. It's all psychology, and lawyers who understand and practice this will have more tools than those whose actions are governed by anecdotes and formulaic tactics. Stated differently, if one's only tool is a hammer, everything tends to get whacked like a nail.

This chapter discusses communicating with clients, with opposing counsel, and with court personnel. With clients: listening is often more important than talking, and it is better to be interested than trying to be interesting. With opposing counsel: they are not enemies; they are adversaries who will often return the respect they are shown. With court personnel: kindness and empathy can bring cooperation and assistance.

Learning Who Your Client Is

When I first sit down with a new client, I like to ask, "Would you tell me about yourself?" Sometimes they will respond by asking, "Like what?" I tell them to say whatever comes to mind. What results is a glimpse into their communication skills, level of sophistication, sense of self, and what they deem of importance. For example, if a woman says, "Well, I am married to an architect, and I have three wonderful children," she sees herself quite differently from someone who says, "I graduated with a degree in social work, got married, and before taking time off to raise our kids, I was a second-grade teacher." The first person saw herself as a part of a bigger picture; the second person saw herself as the bigger picture.

People consulting a lawyer usually are apprehensive because they have a problem that they couldn't solve, and they are in an...