Selling short-term CDs.

• Author: Wachtel, George
• Position: Letter Doctor

This letter from Countrywide Bank does a good job of highlighting key selling points for their short-term certificate of deposit (CD) offering. With some minor changes, it could be an even stronger marketing message.

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(1) Overall Look This letter is clean, colorful and easy to read. Selling CDs is usually straight and to the point, which is why many banks opt for a postcard or self-mailer format. Countrywide may have used the personalized letter because they were mailing in an upscale marketplace and looking for bigger dollar deposits.

(2) Salutation. I do not know why banks can't get this one right! It is so easy to create a better looking salutation, like "Dear Mr. Wachtel," with the software available today.

(3) Key Selling Points. The sales box in the right margin has all the salient points and they are presented cleanly. This graphic element could have been slid slightly higher on the page to give it more balance.

(4) Opening Paragraph. Another common mistake: starting with "we" rather than "you." This paragraph would have been much stronger if it read, "Great news! You can take advantage of one of the highest yields in the country ..."

(5) Bank Names. And then they follow up by starting the next paragraph with their name again. It is used six times in this short...