Problem-Solving Like a Pro

• Author: Victoria Pynchon/Joe Kraynak (With)
• Profession: Mediator, author, speaker, negotiation trainer, consultant, and attorney with 25 years of experience in commercial litigation practice/Professional writer who has contributed to numerous For Dummies books
• Pages: 201-218

Chapter 12

Problem-Solving Like a Pro

In This Chapter

▶ Figuring out the real problems at the heart of a dispute

▶ Using various methods to find solutions

▶ Untangling a dispute to isolate overlooked factors

▶ Helping the parties build a bridge

▶ Assigning a monetary value to something priceless

▶ Packaging issues to help the parties move forward

T

he old saying “It’s better to be happy than to be right” isn’t completely

true. After all, everyone should strive for the truth. But when parties are

engaged in a lose-lose dispute over a difference of opinion, they’re usually

better off seeking a mutually satisfactory solution than trying to prove who’s

right and who’s wrong. Seeking a common solution requires problem-solving

strategies and skills, an analytical approach to break down complex issues

into simpler problems, and a creative mind to identify potential solutions.

In this chapter, I explain problem-solving methods that enable you to help

the parties identify the real issues at the center of their dispute, to brainstorm

solutions, and to settle on solutions that satisfy both parties’ interests.

Defining and Prioritizing Problems

Rarely does a dispute revolve around a single problem. Ask one of the dis-

putants to define the problem and you’ll likely hear a 15-minute rant about

everything the other party did wrong — failed to uphold his end of the

agreement; didn’t return phone calls or offer an explanation or apology; was

consistently unreliable, rude, and disrespectful; and so on. And that list rep-

resents only what the party can rattle off from the top of his head.

This problem avalanche can make beginners and intermediate mediators

feel overwhelmed. The parties don’t have a clear idea of how to solve their

202 Part III: Improving Your Success Rate

problems because they often can’t differentiate between their emotional

response to a perceived slight and the conflict at the heart of the dispute. So

the first steps in problem-solving are to define and prioritize the problems

while acknowledging and empathizing with all parties’ emotional reactions

to the conflict itself. The following sections lead you through the process of

helping the parties define and prioritize their mutual problems.

Engaging the parties in storytelling

After the parties introduce themselves and exchange pleasantries, and after

you review the ground rules for the mediation, have each complainant and

thereafter each respondent tell her story in all its texture, dimension, and

complexity. As each party relates her account of what led up to and caused

the conflict, do the following:

✓ Take notes.

✓ Tune in to the nonverbal expressions of the parties who are listening.

If they’re grimacing, shaking their heads, sighing loudly, or being disre-

spectful in any way, remind them of their agreement to listen respect-

fully without ridiculing or dismissing what the other person says.

After each person finishes telling her story, ask open-ended questions to

fully flesh out and clarify her account. (See Chapter 7 for details about asking

open-ended questions.) Give the other parties the opportunity to ask ques-

tions, as well, but discourage argument over details, reminding all parties

that they’ll be entitled to tell their story in an atmosphere of mutual attention

and respect.

Repeat the process for each party, allowing them to tell their version of

events. If the parties are represented by attorneys, the attorneys often pro-

hibit their clients from speaking and give the facts of the dispute themselves.

Because the parties describing the dispute themselves is so much more

effective, consider discussing ways that the attorneys’ need to protect their

clients can be met other than by sidelining them. Most attorneys feel com-

fortable with a question-and-answer process as long as they can object to

their client answering any given question. You, of course, are the best person

to lead a client through her story.

Summarizing the narrative

After both parties tell their stories and answer questions, retell the story in

your own words in a way that harmonizes the similarities and starkly contrasts

the differences between the two accounts. As you retell the story, do the

following: