Lowest rate: guaranteed.

• Author: Wachtel, George

When you have a good offer, like Third Federal has, shout it! And they do. This equity line of credit solicitation does an excellent job of promoting both their guaranteed low rate and their account-opening gift.

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(1) The outer envelope. The offer came in a double-window envelope, with the "teaser copy" of their 3.99 percent rate offer showing through from the letter. The package also contained a "lift note"--an 8 1/2 x 11-inch buck slip detailing the low-rate guarantee offer.

(2) Subhead. They then reinforce their rate offer with the "guarantee" that goes with it, using a stamp-like graphic element at an angle to the rest of the text.

(3) Specific Dollar Amount. Another good direct marketing technique is to tell the prospect approximately how much they could borrow on their equity line. Third Federal most likely used home owner data to calculate variable specific dollar amounts for each prospect.

(4) Opening Paragraph. Here they fall down a bit. The opening paragraph is way too complicated. Since they have successfully grabbed the reader's attention, better to bury all these dollar "what if's" in the copy below or in the disclaimer copy.

(5) Benefit statement. Good job of succinctly presenting added benefits to the consumer, especially for a bank mailing out of market that they are "ranked #1" in customer satisfaction.

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