Faux personal note gets attention.

• Author: Wachtel, George
• Position: THE LETTER CLINIC

THIS MORTGAGE REFINANCE SOLICITATION does a great job of breaking through the mail pile and jumping out saying "Read me first!"

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

1 The Personalized Look: New Penn Financial's mailing creates an excellent imitation of a handwritten envelope with a handwritten note inside. The computer font used is very "human-like" and passes itself off very well.

2 The Mailer: The cornercard of the envelope says the mailing comes from "Rob Cole" and does NOT give away any company affiliation, or that this is a mortgage solicitation.

3 Postage: The prospect list must have been very small, because they use first-class postage. They still could have gotten the first-class look with a standard-rate live stamp, if the mailing list were large.

4 The Note: It was printed on a small sheet of 8.5" x 5.5" to give the feel of a personal note (and was probably word processed "two-up" on an 8.5x11" sheet and slit).

5 The Salutation: They do the correct thing of cleaning up and having a "Dear Mr. Stamm"

6 Opening Paragraph: While the mailing package is strong, the letter copy is weak. Rather than using "I" two times in the first three words, they should have transformed this into a "you" statement ... "You can reduce your monthly payments by refinancing ..."

7 Call to Action: This is an...