Commentary: A letter to my family law colleagues.

• Author: Herman, Gregg

Byline: Gregg Herman

Several weeks ago in this column, I felt that the Legislature needed some advice on family law matters, even though they had not (yet) asked for it. That expanded to some advice for appellate courts, then trial courts. It seems only fair that my unsolicited advice includes my own ilk, family law attorneys. So, here goes: Dear Family Law Attorneys: You are all great. No changes needed. But, seriously. Here is my wish list for 2007, and beyond: 1. Walk the emotional tightrope. The tightrope we walk is to care about our clients without losing objectivity. We need to care because we are dealing with real life, real people, real children. However, if we care too much, we do no good for our clients. If we take the problems home, we cannot offer objective, valuable advice and our personal lives can become compromised as well. 2. Avoid the ethical tightrope. Occasionally, clients want us to counsel them in areas that get close to the line of ethical propriety. Don't do it. Don't even get close. 3. Don't own the problem. Consistent with suggestion #1, the problem belongs to the client, not you. If you own the problem, you take it home with you and you will end up as a divorce client yourself. As much as you like your clients (or at least some of them), remember that they own the problem and the issues that led them to where they are will still be there after we are gone. We treat symptoms, not the underlying diseases. 4. Offer clients a menu of options. Pauline Tesler, the guru of the collaborative divorce movement, once said that doctors give patients a menu of possible treatment options; yet, historically, the only options offered by divorce lawyers have been trial or settlement. Today, mediation should always be a viable option...