You are not a smaller, less-hairy man.

• Author: Doyle, Laura
• Position: Psychology - Essay

"When I talk about feminine gifts, I want to be clear that I am not talking about manipulation or taking advantage of anybody. Those are not qualities that anyone wants in a partner."

Instead of celebrating the differences between the two sexes and addressing them individually, marriage counselors tend to treat husbands and wives as if they want the same things and bring the same gifts to the relationship.

Intimacy skills help you honor the unique gifts that you as a woman bring to the world and to your marriage. Start by focusing on your own pleasure at least three times every day. Tap directly into your feminine gifts in this way and you will rock your relationship --and the world.

My whole life, I was taught that men and women are the same. Sure, there are some obvious physical differences, but I believed those were superficial. I pretended that biology did not affect my mind and spirit. I also denied that I had any special gifts as a woman--as if everything would be just fine without acknowledging those gifts. To me, it was vital that men and women be the same, because I thought that was how it had to be for us to have equal opportunity in the world. I also became angry when anyone said I was different than a man--how dare they?

That is pretty embarrassing to think about, because I could not have been more wrong. That sort of thinking seems so old-fashioned to me now. I have relegated it to the "Gee, it seemed like a good idea at the time" column, along with preparing for a nuclear attack by hiding under a desk.

The idea that men and women are the same no longer is the prevailing wisdom. There are books on how to market to women (because their buying habits are different from men's and they do most of the spending); how women manage employees differently than men; how having women's input affects investment portfolios (better returns than those with men's input only); and how female brains are hardwired differently than those of their male counterparts.

It turns out that sameness is not important in the workplace anyway. Women have demonstrated that they are capable and professional, but they bring different strengths and a different culture with them to work. Of course we do--we are not smaller, less-hairy men; we are an entirely different gender, and admitting that does not mean we lose; my experience has been just the opposite. Tuning into and exercising my feminine gifts has been exciting and gratifying, providing a sense of ease...