YES, WE HAVE NO BANANAS.

• Author: LUSKY, MARK

Or printer cartridges, or notebook computers. Or do we?

Despite all the alleged sales training going on, many sales and service people don't worry much about the substance of their efforts. They get points, however, as Mr. and Ms. Congeniality.

A recent shopping experience demonstrated this way too clearly. The conversation went something like this:

OfficeMax salesperson: May I help you find something?

Us: Yes, the mini-notebooks that come in these boxes.

OfficeMax salesperson: You'll need to go to customer service.

Us: (at customer service counter): We'd like to demo these PCs.

Customer service rep: We don't have batteries in them.

Us: We want to talk to the manager on duty. (To the manager on duty:) We want to check out the keyboard to see if it's too small. You don't even need batteries for that. Can we do that?

Manager: No.

Us: Are you saying that if we want to buy either of these mini-notebooks, we'll have to do it sight unseen?

Manager: That's right. We can't let you demo them. It's corporate policy.

Us (in total disbelief): You've not only lost a sale but a customer.

Manager (as we walk out, in his most cheerful voice): Have a good week!

According to OfficeMax spokesman Steve Baisden, the manager was wrong. Turns out the problem is theft from the customer service counter. The answers given were inappropriate, said Baisden, who added, "That obviously isn't corporate policy. Perhaps the associates weren't trained appropriately. They were overly protective of the property, (but) that's not an excuse for us."

Meanwhile, across town ...

Downtown Denver Office Depot business machine specialist David Richendifer said that Office Depot typically would display the item in hands-on fashion to begin with. As for the theft problem, Richendifer said simply, "We stay with the customer while they have it."

However, a recent phone call to a different Office Depot location in search of an ink cartridge yielded more frustrating results. Assured on the phone that the requested item was in stock, we trekked over to buy it. Lo and behold, upon our arrival it was discovered that the coveted cartridge was not in stock. Huh. "Did you just sell out of them?" we asked.

"No. We haven't...