Would you like 20 to life with your order, sir?

Author:Gilmore, Commander
Position:Back Blast & Other Hot Gases

Man, doesn't it make you crazy? You wait and wait, and then they get your order wrong. Or they tell you they're all out of it, or...But if you want to hear some real gripin' about drive-thru's, get a visitor's pass and go see Lakount Maddox down in Texas.

Just your average customer, Lakount pulled up to the drive-through window of a Fort Worth Taco Bell on his bicycle, knocked on the glass, waved a pistol at the cashier, and placed his order: All the cash in the till, in a paper bag, please. The crew scrambled to fill his order, but then he added an item.

"And gimme a chalupa," he told them.

Normally Taco Bell folks can deliver right quick, but they do make exceptions -- like when they're being robbed. They explained to Lakount that they didn't have any chalupas made.

"Sure, fine," he told them. He'd wait. And he did. And he waited. And he waited. And they called the cops.

Lakount was still waiting when two cruisers from Fort Worth's finest screamed up. Lakount took off chalupa-less, pedaling madly, even after taking slugs through an arm and a leg. In fact, he only dismounted and surrendered after police cars cut his bike off and blocked him in. Talk about a bad day: no chalupa, and the cops found out why Lakount waved that pistol so wildly but never fired a shot. It was a toy gun.

Drop That Gun! We Mean Rifle, Idiot

We've seen this many times before, where a minor international incident turns into a peeing contest, right? Well, this time we've got a peeing contest -- of sorts -- that turned into an international incident.

Conditions are a little strained on the border between Albania and Macedonia. But typically the troops assigned to patrol the line are quite content with gawkin' and flippin' each other off from about a hundred meters. No flying bullets, please. On one sunny afternoon, a lone Albanian border guard was just plodding along doing his duty when he got an overwhelming urge, he says, to, you know, do his duty. And since there were no trees or shrubs for several hundred meters on the Albanian side of the line, and he didn't want to flash anybody, he just kinda quietly slipped over the border into a thicket of trees on the Macedonian side. There he unzipped, and flipped out when he found out those sneaky Macedonian border guards are pretty stealthy too.

The newspaper Gazeta Shqiptare reported the guard was seized, handcuffed, and hauled away for questioning about his illegal penetration of sovereign Macedonian dirt space. After...

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