Widow and Bereaved Mother Relations After Loss of Husband or Son: A Double Perspective
Published date | 01 February 2021 |
Author | Einav Segev,Irit Regev,Yael Hochman,Yaffa Zafrany,Yaffa Sherfi,Ayelet Elkayam |
Date | 01 February 2021 |
DOI | http://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12441 |
E S, I R, Y HSapir Academic College
Y Z, Y S, A EThe Beer-Sheva District
Widow and Bereaved Mother Relations After Loss
of Husband or Son: A Double Perspective
Objective: Toexplore the perception of the rela-
tionships between widows and bereaved mothers
after the loss of their husband or son from a dou-
ble perspective.
Background: Despite the centrality of the hus-
band and son in making the connection between
the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law,
there are almost no studies on the implications
of the absence of the husband and son, after he
is deceased, on this relationship.
Method: Twentysemistructured interviews were
conducted with 10 widows and 10 bereaved
mothers who were recruited by convenience
sample. The data were analyzed using thematic
analysis.
Results: The ndings indicate complex relation-
ships between widows and bereaved mothers.
Some factors, such as a history of good rela-
tions, helped bolster the relationship, but others
such as guilt, blaming, and obstructing actors,
thwarted it.
Conclusion: The complexity of the relationship
between widows and bereaved mothers after loss
points to the importance of assessing their rela-
tionship close to the loss, as well as of direct
intervention in the relationship, to prevent the
development and escalation of conicts between
the women.
School of Social Work, Sapir Academic College, D.N. Hof
Ashkelon, 79165, Israel (einavs@mail.sapir.ac.il).
KeyWords: bereaved mothers, family relationship,loss, phe-
nomenological research,widows.
Implications: Systemic professional interven-
tion is suggested as a means for improving
relations between widows and bereaved
mothers.
The loss of a close family member is recog-
nized in the professional literature as a difcult
experience that affects the various domains of
life of the immediate family (Delalibera 2015
et al., 2013). There is an interpersonal vari-
ance in responses to loss and the ability to cope
with it, which is connected to the quality of the
relationship and the degree of closeness with
the deceased, the developmental stage of the
mourner in the life cycle, the type of personality
of the mourner, and the inuence of the cultural
context (Rubin & Malkinson, 2001).
Although the loss of a close family member
affects the family relationship, making it more
complex, most studies have focused on the cop-
ing of individuals with the loss and only a minor-
ity have examined the family system and the
mutual inuence of family members on their
adjustment to loss (Boss & Yeats, 2014; Walsh
& McGoldrick, 2013). Studies examining the
coping of family members with loss focused on
the coping of bereaved parents (Bar-Nadav &
Rubin, 2016), of widows (Barak & Leichtentrit,
2015; Griese et al., 2018), and on the relation-
ship between bereaved mothers and sons-in-law
(Walsh & McGoldrick, 2013). There are no
studies concerning the relationships between
daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law.
Family Relations 70 (February 2021): 43–5843
DOI:10.1111/fare.12441
44 Family Relations
The review of the literature presented here
reveals the complex aspects of the relationship
between daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law
and its inherent potential for conict. By dis-
rupting the balance in the family, the death and
absence of the son and husband may further
exacerbate this charged relationship. The form
and character of coping with loss, in intensity
and way of expression, may be different for
widows and bereaved mothers (Neimeyer et al.,
2000; Sanders, 1980).
R B D--L
M--L
In recent decades, research interest in relations
between daughters- and mothers-in-law has
increased. The relationship is complex, mul-
tidimensional, and at times conictual (Kim
& Kim, 2015; Rittenour, 2012; Shih & Pyke,
2016). The nature of this relationship reects
the dynamic effect of diverse needs. Prominent
among these is the need for signicant family
ties, which are important primarily for women
and serve as a source of personal well-being and
positive identity. From a social point of view,
the traditional role of women is to maintain
relationships within the family and to serve as
a bridge between generations. This relationship
is reinforced and becomes more important
with increasing life expectancy and the chang-
ing needs of daughters- and mothers-in-law
throughout the life cycle (Rittenour, 2012;
Turner et al., 2007).
Two main theoretical approaches describe
this relationship: the developmental approach
and the intergenerational ambivalence perspec-
tive of in-law relations.
The Developmental Perspective of In-Law
Relations
The developmental approach regards the
connection between the daughter- and
mother-in-law as an important component
that shapes the development of their identity
throughout life. According to this approach,
the two women are at different stages of life:
Whereas the young daughter-in-law struggles to
achieve her and her husband’spersonal and mar-
ital autonomy, the mother-in-law is at a stage of
life where she wants to share her experience and
wisdom with her daughter-in-law and son. The
discrepancy between the needs of the women,
who are in different places in the life cycle,
carries a potential for conict between them
(Fingerman, Gilligan, VanderDriff, & Pitzer,
2012).
The relationship between daughters-in-law
and mothers-in-law is dynamic and develops
over time. The initial encounter between the
women is perceived by both as signicant for
the development of the relationship and its sub-
sequent quality. The daughter-in-law’s feeling
of being accepted warmly and without criticism,
together with the ability of the mother-in-law to
let go of the relationship with her son, are impor-
tant for the formation of a proper relationship
(Fingermanet al.,2012).Thetransitionstage
to the “midlife maturity” of the daughter-in-law
and “elder maturity” of the mother-in-law also
affects the interaction between the women.
Older daughters-in-law, in their 40s, describe a
dynamic development of the relationship, which
has become more containing, supportive, and
reciprocal (Fingerman & Hay, 2004; Merril,
2007).
Intergenerational Ambivalence Perspective
of In-Law Relations
Another approach describes the relationship
between mothers- and daughters-in-law as
intergenerationally ambivalent, rooted in social
structure and role expectations that suggest
women’s function is to keep the family hearth.
This approach claims that the women experience
contradictory feelings toward each other, both
positive and negative simultaneously (Finger-
man & Hay, 2004; Pillemer, 2004; Turner et al.,
2007). Together with both women’s desire and
need to preserve the family connection, there
are also conicting perceptions and expectations
of the daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law,
stemming from differences in their systems of
values and perceptions.
Both approaches lead to the conclusion that
the relationship is a complex one. Indeed, rela-
tions between daughters- and mothers-in-law
are described in the research literature as having
a potential for conict. They have been investi-
gated in the context of the effect of interactions
within this relationship on the quality of the cou-
ple’s married life (Bryant et al., 2004). Recent
studies, however, present a multifaceted pic-
ture, in which some daughters-in-law describe
close and satisfying relationships with their
mothers-in-law (Rittenour, 2012; Shih & Pyke,
2016).
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