Why Parenthood, and Why Now? Gay Men's Motivations for Pursuing Parenthood

• Author: Jordan B. Downing,Abbie E. Goldberg,April M. Moyer
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2011.00687.x
• Published date: 01 February 2012
• Date: 01 February 2012

ABBIE E. GOLDBERG,JORDAN B. DOWNING,AND APRIL M. MOYER Clark University

Why Parenthood, and Why Now? Gay Men’s

Motivations for Pursuing Parenthood

The current qualitative study of 35 preadoptive

gay male couples (70 men) examined gay men’s

motivations to parent and their reasons for

pursuing parenthood at the current time. Similar

to heterosexual couples, gay men described

a range of psychologically oriented reasons

as shaping their decision to become parents.

Some of these (e.g., desire to teach a child

tolerance) may have been uniquely shaped by

their sexual minority status, and others (e.g.,

desire to give a child a good home) in part

reflect their adoptive status. Men named age,

finances, and relationship factors, as well as

unique contextual factors such as the need to

find and move to gay-friendly neighborhoods, as

influencing their readiness to pursue parenthood

at the current time. Gay men’s motivations

to parent echo normative life course decision-

making processes, but also reflect concerns that

are uniquely informed by their sexual minority

status.

Gay men have long been stereotyped as unin-

terested in children and parenting (see Mallon,

2004), and yet empirical research does not sup-

port these stereotypes. Using national survey

data, Gates, Badgett, Macomber, and Chambers

(2007) estimated that over half of gay men (52%)

reported that they hoped to become parents in the

future. A study of urban sexual minority youth

Department of Psychology, Clark University, 950 Main St.,

Worcester, MA 01610 (agoldberg@clarku.edu).

Key Words: gay men, life course, motivations, parenthood,

qualitative, social constructionist.

found that 86% of young gay men expected to

raise children in the future (D’Augelli, Rendina,

& Sinclair, 2008). In addition, estimates based on

national survey data found that 1 in 5 male same-

sex couples were raising children in 2000, up

from 1 in 20 in 1990 (Gates & Ost, 2004; Gates

et al., 2007). Thus, an increasing number of gay

men view fathering as an expected part of their

life course trajectories (Rabun & Oswald, 2009).

Such changes are, in part, a function of broad-

scale sociohistorical changes, such as increasing

family diversity, advancements in reproductive

technologies, and a growing liberalism toward

the rights of sexual minorities (Goldberg, 2010).

Of course, this is not to say that gay parenthood

is universally accepted: A 2003 Gallup poll

found that 49% of Americans said that same-sex

couples should have the legal right to adopt,

whereas 48% said they should not (Robison,

2003).

Despite gay men’s increased interest in and

enactment of parenthood (Goldberg, 2010), par-

ticularly through adoption (Gates et al., 2007),

no research has explicitly examined gay men’s

motivations to parent. Such research is important

given the unique context of gay male parenthood.

Gay men who choose to become parents do so

outside of the traditional model of family devel-

opment, where a man and woman have a biolog-

ical child. Further, gay men who seek to adopt

pursue parenthood within a unique relational

context whereby neither parent is genetically

related to the child. Additionally, gay men who

seek to become parents do so amid institutions

and discourses that privilege heteronormativity

and thus present challenges to their parenting

Family Relations 61 (February 2012): 157 – 174 157

DOI:10.1111/j.1741-3729.2011.00687.x

158 Family Relations

pursuits. Given the unique social and relational

context in which gay men consider and pursue

parenthood, of interest is how gay men construct

their parenting desires and motivations. Given

the highly intentional and time-consuming

nature of becoming parents for gay men (Down-

ing, Richardson, Kinkler, & Goldberg, 2009),

also of interest are the factors that influence the

timing of parenthood for gay men. Thus, the

current qualitative study of 70 gay men (from

35 couples) examined gay men’s motivations

for parenthood and their explanations for why

they were pursuing parenthood currently. We

aim to extend prior research by focusing specif-

ically on motivations to parent among gay men

who were in the process of adopting their first

child.

We first discuss the general research on

motivations for parenthood. This literature has

largely focused on heterosexual couples who

were becoming or had become parents via

biological means (as opposed to adoption); there

is also a small literature on lesbians’ motivations

for parenthood. In reviewing these literatures,

we do not mean to suggest that gay men will

necessarily construct their parental desires in a

parallel fashion. Rather, we assert that the desire

to parent is human, not heterosexual, warranting

our examination of prior research on the subject.

At the same time, we believe that subjective

constructions of parental motivations are shaped

by one’s social location, relational configuration,

and majority-minority status. Reflecting this

perspective, we then discuss the research on gay

male adoptive parenthood specifically. Then, we

discuss factors that may influence the timing of

parenthood. Finally, we define our theoretical

framework.

HETEROSEXUAL COUPLES’MOTIVATIONS

FOR PURSUING PARENTHOOD

Being a parent is often described as a key devel-

opmental milestone in the adult life course, and

research suggests that the decision to become

a parent is driven by a variety of motivational

factors (Fawcett, 1988). In the research on het-

erosexual couples’ motivations to parent, men

and women often highlight perceived psycho-

logical or personal rewards of children, such as

the emotional benefits of the parent-child bond,

enjoyment of children, and personal fulfillment

(Dion, 1995; Langdridge, Connolly, & Sheeran,

2000; Langdridge, Sheeran, & Connolly, 2005).

For instance, in their sample of 34 heterosexual

couples, Langdridge et al. (2000) found that the

desire to give love and to receive love were

described as the most salient motivators by both

men and women. The idea that parenthood was

‘‘the most worthwhile thing in life’’ was also

salient.

In addition to psychological reasons, the

role-related benefits of children (e.g., children

ensure that the family line will continue; chil-

dren ensure that the parent will not be alone)

have also been described as motivators for par-

enthood (Dion, 1995; Langdridge et al., 2005).

Research suggests that relationship factors may

also drive the desire to parent (Langdridge et al.,

2005; W. B. Miller, 1994). For example, hetero-

sexual men and women, but particularly men,

frequently describe their motivation to parent

as driven, at least in part, by their partner’s

desire to parent (Miller, 1994). Some hetero-

sexual men and women explain their desire to

parent in terms of their perception that having

children will ‘‘complete’’ the marriage (New-

ton, Hearn, Yuzpe, & Houle, 1992). Thus, the

literature on heterosexual couples suggests that

a myriad of psychological, role-related, and

relational factors may shape motivations to

parent.

Much of the research in this area has focused

on heterosexual women’s motivations for par-

enthood because they are viewed as the driving

force in becoming parents compared to their

husbands (Biblarz & Stacey, 2010). Studies

that do include both men and women have

described differences in how heterosexual men

and women view the prospect of parenthood

(Gerson, 1986; Langdridge et al., 2005). Lang-

dridge et al.’s (2005) study of 897 heterosexual

couples found that women were more likely to

cite a ‘‘biological drive’’ as motivating them to

parent as compared to men. The tendency for

women to describe their desire to parent as an

innate yearning may perhaps be influenced by the

societal belief that motherhood enables women

to actualize an ‘‘essential’’ aspect of woman-

hood (Siegenthaler & Bigner, 2000). Men in

Langdridge and colleague’s study were more

likely than women to identify ‘‘continuing the

family name’’ as a motivator for parenthood.

Continuing the family lineage through biological

parenthood may be especially important to men

in part because masculinity norms emphasize

children as a status symbol for men (Hammer &

McFerran, 1988).