Why the Incredible Hulk is batting cleanup.

• Author: Barrett, Wayne M.
• Position: Sports Scene - Professional baseball

CAN'T THE CLOWNS who run major league baseball make up their minds? First, they were against drugs that hun performance (unless it really is possible to locate the strike zone better when stoned or flying on coke). Now, they are against drags that enhance performance (unless you thought Barry Bonds taking on the body and personality of the Incredible Hulk was a coincidence). Worse, there is all this ludicrous handwringing about the integrity of the game, how once-sacred records have been broken because contemporary players are bulking up on the illegal juice served up by the BALCOs of the world.

Puh-lease. If all it takes to be a good ballplayer is a steroid-induced, muscle-laden body, the entire membership of the World Wrestling Federation would be on George Steinbrenner's payroll. (If the truth be told, the Yankees stopped winning World Series titles once they got rid of first baseman Tino Martinez (lean and sinewy) and replaced him with a muscle-bound maniac from the Oakland Athletics (no names, please; he may know where I live). Doubters are referred to the fact that the Bronx Bombers won four Fall Classics in five seasons (1996-2000) with Martinez manning first, and none since. Last season, they even were upended in the Series by the once-lowly Florida Marlins, who only snuck (sorry. we refuse to use sneaked) into the playoffs as a wildcard entry.

Speaking of World Series wins, my Giants are in the same spot with the barrel-chested Bonds as they were without him--sans a championship. In fact, it's too bad that steroids have failed to induce Barry the Brat--or a countless number of his contemporaries, for that matter--to run out grounders and pop ups. Seems it's beneath the modern athlete to give a 100% effort whether he possesses chemically-enhanced superpowers or not.

Seriously, where does this hypocrisy and madness end? Major League Baseball, from both the labor and management sides, has known for years that one of the main reasons home run totals have been skyrocketing is steroids and the keepers of the game were glad of it. The subtleties of our National Pastime have long since disappeared, relegated, as the cliche goes, to the dustbin of history. More home runs means more excitement, which, in turn, translates into more fans and advertising dollars. The modern fan may not tolerate snorting cocaine in the bullpen, but he sure does not seem to mind steroid-powered longballs clearing the fence at a record pace. Of course, whether...