Why cavemen fear women.
Author | Clinton, Kate |
Position | Unplugged - Column |
Some days, I wonder how far back Cher turned time. My friends are all on the paleo diet. We communicate through emoji pictographs on the man-cave of the world. It's all so primitive.
Luckily, after graduate school, I spent two years in the Peace Corps in Emojistan. Though I can't speak emoji fluently any more, I can still read it.
Look at the emoji storyline etched on the cave walls of the tribe whose totem is the elephant. One emoji hieroglyph shows that men are afraid of blonde women from the Fox tribe who bleed from down there or wherever.
Note the sequence of the emoji of the lady fox with toned, bare arms followed by the emoji of the yellow downturned smiley face in black sunglasses. The simple circles convey the complex notion that when a female debate host questions a man's use of "slob" or "fat pig" to describe another woman, the host, not the josher, is sent on an unscheduled two-week "vacation."
The man cave of the tribe with the donkey totem does not tell a much better story. Shadows of the summer blockbuster Mad Max: Fury Road flicker in a continuous loop on the wall. All of the donkey tribe's emojis were embedded in e-mails impounded by the Elephant tribe in a scandal involving The Hillary. There were several emojis of wedding cakes and confetti.
Sadly, members of the Donkey tribe do not subcontract with the Fox tribe to air their side of the story. They rely instead on the services of the Wolf tribe. And to paraphrase an old Vuvalini Fury Road saying: Woe to the women who run with wolf blitzers.
Forget postmodern. Forget the Axis of Medieval. The world feels prehistoric. After a disheartening string of reminders--slut-shaming women who dare to run for office, the shutdown of Planned Parenthood clinics, ISIS and its "theology of rape" brand--I decided, like many women before me, to take a deep dive into the meta-dada of the origins of the patriarchy. The seeds of the end are often found in origin stories.
I asked the...
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