Why Are We So #!&*@ MAD?

• Author: O'CONNOR, JAMES V.

Losing one's temper and unleashing a torrent of swearwords represent nonproductive behavior that will do little to resolve the situation

"WHEN I GET ANGRY, it feels good to swear." Many people are quick to agree with this statement, even if they can't explain why blurting out a curse word is so gratifying. Frequently, they also feel that an angry bark laced with foul language is justified and acceptable.

We all get angry at times--at ourselves, situations, things like cars and computers, but mostly the actions or behavior of other people. Lately, it seems we are becoming more angry, and controlling our ire is getting to be more difficult. In a national survey conducted in the spring of 1999 by the Scripps Howard News Service, 88% of the respondents believed that people are more likely to express anger these days than they used to. The key word here is "express." We might be just as angry as ever, but we are less hesitant to let people know about it and less shy about using offensive words.

Just 26% of the individuals who believe people are angrier these days said they personally feel more angry than they used to. So who are all the grouchy people out there? Whenever an antisocial behavior spreads in our society, most of us believe that the increase comes from others, not us. Could it be that the survey-takers somehow manage not to interview the guilty ones? Or are we failing to make an objective assessment of our own conduct?

Maybe venting anger and swearing does feel good, but it sounds bad. Why should one person indulge in a crass outburst at the expense of others? Anger makes people uncomfortable, and sweating intensifies anger and adds to its incivility. Regardless of what sets a person off, profanity helps transform him or her from a civilized human being. A tirade can be short-lived, yet a memorable moment for the people who had to endure it.

An argument in defense of anger is that modern-day stress, crowded cities, demanding jobs, and the anonymity of neighbors are making us irritable, suspicious, and hostile. However, if we are under greater pressure than before, the need for civility is greater. We all appreciate other people who are tolerant and able to cope and stay calm when faced with adversities large and small, so we should make an effort to be the same way, doing our part to contribute to a more agreeable society.

The truth is, we usually get mad because we allow ourselves to. It might be difficult to accept the fact that we are responsible for our anger, but why do some people laugh at the same things that infuriate us? Rarely does anyone intentionally want to make us mad. Rather, we allow ourselves to get mad because of our expectations and values, the behavior we expect of others, and our demands, pride, ego, and attitude.

Anger is a natural and common emotion, and many mental health experts believe expressing it is a healthy...