What would Red have said?

• Author: Gehring, Wes D.
• Position: REEL WORLD - Red Skelton - Excerpt

FOR SOME TIME, my writing focus has been on the underrated film and television clown Red Skelton. I recently completed a second biography, and am now working on a novelized memoir--writing as if I were the comedian. This exercise in nonfiction fiction, grounded in years of research, attempts to flesh out Skelton's story entertainingly, without straying far from the facts. Here is an adapted excerpt:

"My hometown of Vincennes was crisscrossed with railroad lines and, during the winter, me and my half-brother Paul--my only sibling to sometimes treat me fairly--stole coal from passing trains. We would board at a railroad water stop on the outskirts of Vincennes, and when the opportunity presented itself, fill our sacks from the coal car. When the wain passed near our home, which was always some shack on the tracks, we tossed our coal sack off and just jumped.

"Once, however, Paul almost died during what had seemingly become an easy routine. Just before our jumping-off spot, he fell between the coal and baggage cars--our normal hiding place, just a foot from the tracks. What saved him was a metal bar he desperately held onto, as well as my grabbing his leather belt. Luckily, we both managed to hold on until a sharp railroad grade just outside of town, where the train slowed way down. We managed to extricate ourselves from a tight spot and hike back into Vincennes, retrieving our sack of coal on the way.

"In later years, I came to find out that an army of Midwestern boys round various ways to get winter coal from passing trains. My dear friend Joe E. Brown, who lifted funny to the level of fable--best known now for his dirty old man in 'Some Like It Hot' (he falls for Jack Lemmon in drag)--probably found the easiest coal scam. Remember, his signature trait was that huge mouth, winning him such comic nicknames as 'cavernous-mouthed,' 'funny face,' 'monster-mouthed,' and 'Grand Canyon.' Joe himself once told me, 'Red, the only thing I could ever do was make people laugh.... And I can only take second billing for that talent. Nature met me more than halfway when it threw a handful of features together and called it a face.' Thus, young Joe hit upon the idea of using his 'crater-mouthed' mug to make faces at the passing train firemen to get free coal thrown at him. This was also the first time the youngster realized his 'cavernous' cavity could be an advantage.

"Besides Paul and my misadventures on the mils, trains were a pivotal part of living in...