What women want.

• Author: Puterbaugh, Dolores T.
• Position: PARTING THOUGHTS

WHAT DO WOMEN WANT, ANYWAY? Isn't that supposed to be one of the big questions (although Lou Marinoff, the internationally known philosopher, left it out of his book, The Big Questions)?

In developmental psychology, midlife (middle age, if you will) stretches often from the early 30s, or before, until the person decides to become elderly. Sorry to all the people deluding themselves as still being "young" at 40. As far as the elderly, I say "decides" because we all know people who decided to do a full stop on the day they retired, acquiescing to a life of walking the little Swifter dog, watching daytime television (the average retiree watches 40 hours of television per week), and slowly disappearing. We also all know elderly people who stay engaged--even if housebound--until their health finally fails them and they unwillingly surrender.

So, here many of us are, in the vast period of midlife. It is a time in which productivity (children, meaningful work, art, music, etc.) and contributing to others comprise the good outcome, and stagnating (being perpetually as self-absorbed as any hormone-addled adolescent) is the poor outcome. There are a lot of steps on the way, of course--life gives us things and life takes things away. Somewhere in there is a midlife crisis or two. We all are familiar with the stereotypic male midlife crisis: somewhere between 40 and 50, the story goes, the man wants more: more sex, more horsepower (personal or automotive; either will do), more risks, more expensive cigars, and good scotch instead of cheap beer. It is all very funny for people detached from the drama, and extremely painful for everyone close to it.

Women's crisis, or crises, are a bit different. Unlike males, women's bodies have made the demarcations of our stages of life all too clear to us--and everyone else. When is a boy a man? Ha, your guess is as good as mine, and some parents of 35-year-old stoners are asking themselves that very question. When is a girl a woman? The day her dad has to start worrying about her getting pregnant, that's when. No ifs, ands, or buts: her life has changed and everyone treats her differently, in ways that often are mystifying. Transitioning to parenthood? For a man, it's "Congratulations," while strangers touch our bellies, as if a pumpkin-shaped talisman. If you are lucky, the toucher asks first.

Transitioning from midlife to the next phase? Our bodies signal that in indefinite terms, too. The restless sleep...