What can be done about absentee fathers?

• Author: Klinger, Ron

Communities across the country are experiencing success with counseling for unwed fathers plus other mentoring initiatives.

The U.S. is the world leader in families without fathers. From 1960 to 1990, the number of children living only with their mother jumped from 5,100,000 to 15,600,000. Just 27% of American kids live with their biological mother and father.

Over the past 30 years, fathers have been disappearing from American families. Divorce dramatically has altered the roles of fathers for nearly half the youngsters in the nation. Further, the cost of making a living and maintaining a family has resulted in both parents working. Parents today spend 40% less time with their children than parents of the previous generation. Many of today's fathers have two or even three jobs. Others travel weekly, taking them away from their families.

We hear about deadbeat dads, absentee dads, teenage dads, abusive dads, alcoholic dads, and workaholic dads. So pervasive is the negative information about fathers that many people have come to doubt that we can---or even should--halt the trend toward fatherlessness. Nevertheless, for the sake of the children, we must try.

Perhaps the fastest growing subpopulation of absentee fathers is unmarried men. Each year in the U.S., more than 1,000,000 babies are born to unwed mothers. The statistics are grim for these children. They are more likely to live in poverty, get minimal medical care, and do poorly in school. There is an overwhelming chance that their male offspring will turn to drugs, gang activity, and crime. Their female children likely will become unwed mothers themselves, and the cycle continues.

The growing divorce rate magnifies the trend of fatherless families. About 40% of kids whose parents are divorced have not seen their father in at least a year. Ten years after divorce, more than two-thirds of those living with their mother haven't seen their father for a year.

Today's society holds a number of misconceptions that help sustain fatherlessness. One is that raising children is women's work. Americans share the myth that it is somehow not masculine to care for kids. Yet, a rapidly growing number of single fathers dispute this belief every day by working at their paid jobs and raising their offspring.

Another misconception is that girls do not need fathers. This is not true. Research shows that girls with active and hardworking dads are more ambitious, more successful in school, attend college more often, and are more likely to attain careers of their own. They are less dependent, more self-protective, and less likely to date or marry abusive men.

Many fathers hold the misconception that small children do not need their influence and that they can just step in when the kids are older. They believe that the things grown men have to offer require more attention, strength, or self-control than youngsters can sustain. However, if a man waits until his son or daughter is older, the child probably will resent Dad's lack of previous involvement, will have become overdependent on Mom, and will show little interest in Dad's favored activities, opinions, or...