A view from the bench.

• Position: Alcoholism

`I was saving the world by sending every drunk that appeared in front of me to those AA meetings.'

This article is written anonymously, in accordance with the traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous, of which the writer is a member.

I am a circuit judge and I have been on the bench for more than 15 years, the last 12 of which have been sober. I come by my alcoholism naturally. My father's father and my father were both alcoholics. All of my brothers are also alcoholics. I started drinking in high school and from the start it has always been because I liked the effect. I am an introvert and alcohol made me into an instant extrovert. Although I loved the effect, I loathed the hangovers I always got the next day when I drank to excess. I was lucky during my drinking years in that I never got a DUI, was arrested, or involved in any real trouble.

After I graduated from law school, I spent time as an assistant state attorney before going into private practice. As the years passed, I began to rely more and more on alcohol. I would not attend social functions unless there was alcohol. I also always needed a few drinks to take the edge off before leaving the house for the function. Every working day at 5 p.m. I would send my secretary down the street for a six-pack of beer and by the time I arrived home, I was ready to get into the vodka and tonic. The weekends were made for drinking because I could nurse my Saturday and Sunday morning hangovers with beer. Alcohol was my hobby and I did not enjoy doing anything in my free time without it.

A judgeship came open and I talked about running for it with my partner, who felt I had a good chance to win if I would lay off the booze during the race. I took his advice and not only decided to quit, but vowed never to drink again. I was also trying to prove to myself that I was not an alcoholic and that life could be lived without alcohol. It worked and I easily won the election. On election night, as I listened to the returns on the radio along with my supporters, I felt I deserved to celebrate. One drink was too many, but not enough. I drank myself into a blackout. A blackout is not a pass-out. It is the experience where your brain goes on vacation only to return the next day to learn of all the crazy things your body did the night before. I remember having one of the worst hangovers that next morning, when awakened by a call from the chief judge congratulating me on my stunning victory. I also remember thinking I...