Victory laps.

• Author: Clinton, Kate
• Position: Unplugged

My Indian girlfriend makes me capture crickets using a humane catch-and-release program that would make a Lou Dobbs Minuteman Border Patrol pitch an epi. I go quickly to the door and, at a decent distance from the house, release the critter into the wild. I can be driven to violence by night sounds, but when it comes to crickets, I bow to my skittish, delegative partner's wishes. I honor her loosely held belief in reincarnation.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

One morning, while reading the paper, she announced, as if I'd asked, that she finally knew her preferred form of reincarnation. Still drowsy from my night patrol, and frowsy from trying to make sense of Maureen Dowd, I asked, "And?" As if she were declaring a Halloween outfit, she stated that she wanted to come back as an Unconflicted White Man. The "straight" was understood.

While my fallen-away Catholic beliefs still imbue me with eschatological hopes for an afterlife, I have totally embraced her tenet. Not George Tenet. Though he is a perfect example of UWM. In the midst of endless war, UWM are perfectly at peace with themselves. Wide awake from cricket racket, I think, "He must have some regret for what he has done." It is pure projection on my part.

The UWM roster grows each day. Donald Rumsfeld, who demurs that he is now "out of the loop" on the war, wants to start an institute to encourage more civic participation in government. In the Vanity Fair that finally chronicles the media goring of Al Gore, gung-ho war ho Christopher Hitchens chronicles not his war makeover but his spa treatment. Karl Rove angles to captain the "Swift Boat Veterans Threatened by Powerful Women," a.k.a, the Giuliani campaign. Dick Cheney continues in his role as head of the Executive Branch of government.

In China, when officials err, they have the decency to kill...