Verbal abuse can destroy a relationship.

Physical abuse between partners in a relationship is a tragic reality, but verbal abuse may be even more insidious. Verbal abusers rely on the power of words to hurt and control a partner, often exploding into anger to keep that person in submission.

"In a very deep-seated way, it is the fear of loss that drives someone to use intimidation to keep a partner in line," explains Jacque Cook, a marriage and family specialist at the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center. "Even though we consider it abuse and an unacceptable way to maintain the balance of power in a relationship, that is the reality."

In relationships where conflict can't be dealt with successfully, the couple may begin to resemble "fighting gladiators," she indicates. "It's the `contest element,' or the intensity of whose will is going to prevail that contributes to the buildup of intensity, frustration, anger, and stress in a relationship. These unresolved emotions, in turn, may serve as a launching pad for verbal abuse--just because of the frustration of not being able to constructively express feelings or thoughts."

Some conflict is natural and often stems from the differences that each brings to it. This, in turn, can strengthen the relationship in some cases. "Conflict that is channeled can help to air certain differences and prevent a buildup of resentments or strong negative emotions that may occur...over time. It's actually unhealthy for a relationship to be so stifling that differences aren't discussed. Differences can usually be dealt with either by accepting them, or by compromising."

Overcoming verbal abuse is not easy. "It isn't as simple as `just leave' or...