Assessing the veracity of domestic violence allegations in parenting disputes.

• Author: Carter, Sherrie Bourg

Domestic violence allegations are all too common in child custody cases. Some of these allegations are true; some are false. An unfortunate consequence of the false allegations is that suspicion is raised as to credibility any time domestic violence allegations arise in a family law case, even when the claims are true. Despite the need to protect falsely accused parents, it can be equally detrimental to abused spouses if true allegations of abuse are not taken seriously.

In cases involving real violence, a batterer may use the legal process as another form of abuse in an ongoing cycle. By using children as pawns in a custody dispute, a batterer can continue to exert power and control even after a relationship has ended. If this type of abuse is not detected, a batterer may use the family court system to sustain or further an imbalance in power. To protect the family court from becoming a forum for abuse and to better explore the veracity of domestic violence claims, it is important for family lawyers and judges to be educated in the dynamics of domestic violence and how these dynamics are played out in child custody disputes.

Myths and Realities

When domestic violence allegations are raised in a case, it is important to recognize the myths about domestic violence that are pervasive in our society.

Myth: Battered spouses are passive individuals who are poor, ineffective, nonconfrontational, nonviolent, and who rarely, if ever, try to defend themselves.

Reality: There is no typical profile of a battered spouse. Domestic abuse and violence crosses all socioeconomic levels, all personality types, all professions, and all races. Therefore, expecting all victims to fall within the stereotype is unrealistic.

Myth: Batterers are chronically angry, violent individuals who are abusive across settings and situations.

Reality: There is no composite for a typical batterer. Batterers can be very well respected in their community. They may be quite charming, friendly, and engaging. They occupy all socioeconomic levels, all races, and all professions.

Myth: Battered spouses never get angry or fight back against the abuse.

Reality: Many battered spouses get irritable and have angry outbursts at some point in their abusive relationships. They also take steps to defend themselves and fight back. In fighting back, a battered spouse may use a weapon or object to equalize what typically is lesser physical strength. (1) It is important for those judging domestic violence cases to understand that expressions of irritability and anger are normal reactions to trauma, and should not be used as a basis to conclude that the allegations of abuse are false.

Myth: Domestic violence equates to physical beatings.

Reality: Domestic violence takes on many forms, only one of which is physical abuse. Other forms of abuse are sexual abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, economic abuse, and legal abuse. Any of these forms of abuse can cause traumatic reactions in the victim.

Myth: Battered spouses must be crazy to remain in an abusive relationship.

Reality: The incidence of psychiatric disturbance is no higher in battered spouses than in any other individuals. (2) In actuality, what many people see as bizarre behavior on the part of battered spouses may actually be tactics they adopt to help them escape or avoid as much harm as they can in their extremely difficult circumstances. As an example, in one case, several witnesses reported that the victim, Sarah, would sometimes provoke her husband when he seemed most upset. She would call him a "stupid bastard" and tell him he knew nothing about raising children, which usually resulted in her getting a severe beating. However, when the sources were questioned further, it became apparent that the only times that Sarah provoked her husband in this manner was when he was losing his temper with the children. When asked about this, Sarah said that she could tell when her husband was getting ready to beat the children. She learned that if she distracted him from the children that she would get the beating instead of the children. As this example demonstrates, it is important to look at each strategy a victim uses in an abusive relationship in its own context rather than jumping to the conclusion that it is "crazy" behavior.

On a related topic, the legal system sometimes treats Posttraumatic Stress Disorder or Battered Spouse Syndrome as a standard that all battered spouses must meet in order to be...