Unintelligent design.

• Author: Durst, Will
• Position: Teaching human evolution at schools

Stealing valuable time from his busy schedule of clearing brush on what apparently is the most brush-infested ranch in the country, President Brush encouraged our country's school districts to incorporate into their teaching plans both sides of the debate regarding the development of humanity: evolution, the theory that man descended from an infinite number of apes typing on an infinite number of typewriters, and Intelligent Design, the idea that an unseen force (not necessarily god--but not ungodlike either) nudged our genes with big giant invisible fingers to the point where no child is left behind.

This is shocking to the same degree that goats eat shoes. Especially to anyone who's been semi-cognizant the last five years and watched Mr. Bush work his backward magic personally disproving Darwin with a series of policies stripping workers and minorities and women and anyone who isn't an energy producer of their rights.

Not only does the President not believe in evolution, but ironically he has become his own best argument. Not to mention that ID is just Creationism with a container load of aluminum siding tacked on. They try to dress it up as science, but then the lab coat slips and the collar emerges whenever you ask just who this Intelligent Designer behind the Intelligent Design is and the answer comes: "I don't know, who do YOU think it is?" OK. Hasn't anybody figured out that all these Creationism adherents have never copped to the fact that over the years religion itself has adapted?

One of the logic wedges Intelligent Designers like to jump onto with both semantic feet is the fact that Charles Darwin called his discovery "The Theory of Evolution." "See. It's just a theory!" Oh come on, grow up. What's next? Are you going to require the Principle of Atomic Force to attend PTA meetings? What about the Law of Gravity? Does an initiative for repeal lie in its immediate future?

The theory of Intelligent Design maintains life on Earth is too complex to have developed through evolution. Too complex? Oh...