Unequally into “Us”: Characteristics of Individuals in Asymmetrically Committed Relationships

• Published date: 01 March 2019
• Author: Frank D. Fincham,Scott M. Stanley,Shelby B. Scott,Gretchen Kelmer,Howard J. Markman,Galena K. Rhoades
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12397
• Date: 01 March 2019

Unequally into “Us”: Characteristics of Individuals in

Asymmetrically Committed Relationships

SCOTT M. STANLEY*

GALENA K. RHOADES*

GRETCHEN KELMER

†

SHELBY B. SCOTT

†

HOWARD J. MARKMAN*

FRANK D. FINCHAM

‡

This study examined characteristics of individuals that are associated with being in

asymmetrically committed relationships (ACRs), defined as romantic relationships in

which there was a substantial difference in the commitment levels of the partners. These

ACRs were studied in a national sample of unmarried, opposite-sex romantic relationships

(N=315 couples). Perceiving oneself as having more potential alternative partners was

associated with increased odds of being the less committed partner in an ACR compared to

not being in an ACR, as was being more attachment avoidant, having more prior relation-

ship partners, and having a history of extradyadic sex during the present relationship.

Additionally, having parents who never married was associated with being the less com-

mitted partner in an ACR but parental divorce was not. Although fewer characteristics

were associated with being the more committed partner within an ACR, more attachment

anxiety was associated with increased odds of being in such a position compare d to not

being in an ACR. We also address how some findings change when controlling for commit-

ment levels. Overall, the findings advance understanding of commitment in romantic

relationships, particularly when there are substantial asymmetries involved. Implicatio ns

for both research on asymmetrical commitment as well as practice (e.g., therapy or

relationship education) are discussed.

Keywords: Commitment; Couples Therapy; Attachment

Fam Proc 58:214–231, 2019

The history of romantic, marital, and sexual relationships is replete with instances

where the commitment levels of the two partners are unbalanced. Over the last cen-

tury, scholars have written about asymmetrical commitment from various theoretical per-

spectives. One of the most widely recognized theorems was coined by sociologist Willard

Waller (1938), known as the Principle of Least Interest: “That person is able to dictate the

conditions of association whose interest in the continuation of the affair is least” (p. 191).

*Department of Psychology, University of Denver, University Park, CO.

†

VA Eastern Colorado Health Care System, Denver, CO.

‡

Florida State University, Tallahassee, FL.

Correspondence concerning this articleshould be addressedto Scott M. Stanley, Department of Psychology,

University of Denver, 2155 S Race St, Uni versity Park, CO 80208. E-mail: scott.stanley@du.edu

This project was supported by R01HD047564 from the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of

Child Health and Human Development. The content is solely the responsibility of the authors and does

not necessarily represent the official views of the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child

Health and Human Development or the National Institutes of Health.

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Family Process, Vol. 58, No. 1, 2019 ©2018 Family Process Institute

doi: 10.1111/famp.12397

Closely related, relationship theorists have focused on actual and perceived alternative

relationship quality as a driver of power dynamics based on differential need for the pre-

sent relationship to continue (e.g., Cook, Cheshire, & Gerbasi, 2006; cf. Thibaut & Kelley,

1959). Peter Blau wrote that “If one lover is considerably more involved than the other, his

greater commitment invites exploitation or provokes feelings of entrapment, both of whic h

obliterate love” (Blau, 1964, p. 84). As such, asymmetrical commitment has important

implications for understanding relationship quality and stability.

The existence of asymmetrically committed relationships (ACRs) begs the question of

who gets into such unbalanced relationships. Many complex personal and contextual fac-

tors likely play a role, and we examine a number of them in order to advan ce knowledge

about ACRs. Although there have been a number of studies on the characteristics of rela-

tionships with asymmetrical commitment, there is little research on who ends up in such

relationships. This study examined people in unmarried but ongoing relationships (with a

median duration of just over 2 years), using a national (U.S.) sample of couples in oppo-

site-sex relationships. Specifically, we studied whether individual characteristics (e.g.,

family history, attachment) are associated with it being more likely that a person will be

either the more or less committed partner in an ACR, compared to not being in an ACR.

Before turning our focus on personal characteristics that may be associated with asym-

metrical commitment, we briefly review the literature on the characteristics and chal-

lenges of such relationships. This provides context for understanding the importance of

individual characteristics that may lead to ACRs.

Relationship Dynamics and Asymmetrical Commitment

A number of studies relying on various methods and conceptualizations have demon-

strated that ACRs are lower in quality and more prone to dissolution than other relation-

ships (e.g., Attridge, Berscheid, & Simpson, 1995; Drigotas, Rusbult, & Verette, 1999; Le

& Agnew, 2001; Ori~

na et al., 2011; Rhoades, Stanley, & Markman, 2012; Stanley et al.,

2017). For example, Sprecher, Schmeeckle, and Felmlee (2006) showed that unmarried

relationships with higher perceived asymmetrical involvement had lower relationship

quality and were more likely to break up, particularly if the woman was the less involved

partner. We found similar patterns (Stanley et al., 2017); ACRs in which the woman was

the less committed partner were significantly more likely to break up within 2 years than

other relationships. We also found that ACRs were more likely to have males who wer e

the less committed partners than females as the less committed partners, by nearly two to

one. In a study of unmarried relationships that led to marriage, Rhoades and Stanley

(2014) reported that perceiving a partner to be less committed, prior to marriage, was

strongly associated with lower marital quality. Thus, even though commitment is an

important predictor of relationship stability (Impett, Beals, & Peplau, 2001; Rhoades,

Stanley, & Markman, 2010), mutuality in commitment is likewise important for under-

standing romantic relationships.

Consistent with Blau’s observations noted earlier, asymmetrical commitment should

not only be associated with lower quality relationships, it may also be particularly frus-

trating to the more committed partner. Indeed, we found that asymmetrical commitment

was associated not only with lower overall relationship adjustment but also with higher

levels of negative interaction and physical aggression (Stanley et al., 2017). Even though

more committed partners had high levels of commitment, we found that they also

reported being more likely both to receive and perpetrate physical aggression, as com-

pared to those not in ACRs. This finding is noteworthy because higher levels of commit-

ment are typically associated with less aggression, as commitment inhibits it (Slotter

et al., 2012).

Fam. Proc., Vol. 58, March, 2019

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