Trumpenstein, it lives!(OFF THE MAP) (Elect to Laugh: 2016)

• Author: Durst, Will

How do you solve a problem like The Donald? He's got the establishment elites wringing their hands, wailing "woe is us," but they needn't worry; they're survivors. Trump isn't ruining the Grand Old Party, he simply lifted the rock it was hiding under.

Some outraged party regulars allege that Trump is actually a Democratic mole out to make them look intolerant. But, come on: Who has spent decades installing the screw-you buzzer? Can't act all surprised when one of your own starts leaning on it.

Yes, the natives are restless. After having it hammered into their heads that the government is The Enemy, they finally came around. "You're right. Government does suck. And so do all politicians. We're only going to support candidates who have no idea what they're doing. We want the presidency to be an entry-level position."

It's the classic example of creating a monster, then being unable to control him. It's Trumpenstein. "He's Alive!"

"I love the poorly educated," Trump said. Out loud. In front of people with microphones. Of course he does. It's his base. Also known as "low-information voters." Which is a demographic euphemism for stupid people. And the beauty is, you can say it right in front of them. "Low-information? Yep. That's us, all right."

Trump attracts people who are convinced that professional wrestling is legitimate. More than 60 percent of his supporters still believe that Obama is Muslim. Glenn Beck called Trump dangerous and Glenn Beck is a stone-crazed loon. Even Benjamin Netanyahu called Trump's Muslim stance "too extreme." When the Israelis call you Islamophobic, that's not good. It's like having your drug intervention hosted by Lindsay Lohan with Charlie Sheen driving the van.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

After Trump refused to renounce David Duke's support, Marco Rubio said, "There's no room in the Republican Party for racists." Wow. Knew there were a lot of them, didn't realize all the slots were full. Must be an affirmative action program. Go to Mitch McConnell's office, take a number, wait your turn.

But as excited as Trump's supporters are over his bigoted, bloated, misogynistic, narcissistic, xenophobic candidacy, his GOP detractors are equally if not...