Troubletown.

• Author: Dangle, Lloyd

THE PRESIDENT WASN'T IN THE SITUATION ROOM AT ALL ON THE DAY THAT DICK CLARKE CLAIMS HE WAS ASKED ABOUT THE SADDAM-9-11 LINK.

WHAT WAS HE DOING ON SEPTEMBER 12, 2001 THEN?

GETTING A HAIRCUT? WORKING OUT? TOSSING A BALL TO HIS DOG?

ON SECOND THOUGHT, THE PRESIDENT WAS IN THE SITUATION ROOM ALL DAY COMBING EVERY SHRED OF INTELLIGENCE AND COULDN'T HAVE BEEN BOTHERED.

CLARKE WAS SUCH A MINOR PLAYER IN THE WHOLE THING, HE WASN'T EVEN IN THE LOOP--AND SADDAM DID CAUSE 9-11!

ACTUALLY, CLARKE WAS COMPLETELY IN THE LOOP. HE JUST NEVER HAD ANYTHING USEFUL TO SAY.

DICK CLARKE HAD A LOT TO SAY--BUT IT WAS ALL LIES! WE DEMAND THE RELEASE OF ALL CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS PERTAINING TO TERRORISM.

THE WHITE HOUSE IS COOPERATING WITH THE...