Together but Not “Together”: Trajectories of Relationship Suspension for Low‐Income Unmarried Parents*

• Date: 01 April 2008
• Published date: 01 April 2008
• Author: Kevin M. Roy,Nicolle Buckmiller,April McDowell
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2008.00494.x

Together but Not ’’Together’’: Trajectories of

Relationship Suspension for Low-Income

Unmarried Parents*

Kevin M. Roy Nicolle Buckmiller April McDowell**

Abstract: We identified and examined relationship trajectories among low-income parents, with particular attention

to fathers and mothers who never marry but maintain potential for greater commitment. Through analyses of life

history interviews with a diverse sample of 71 fathers in the Midwest, we used a life course framework to examine

the process of relationship suspension. Findings indicated that partner support was critical in overcoming environ-

mental and family barriers to long-term relationships. By delinking partnering from parenting, unmarried mothers

and fathers found a basis for prolonged interaction, apart from intimacy. Relationships persisted because of daily

investments during many years of waiting to formalize relationships. Implications for research on relationship trajec-

tories among low-income families and for policy and programs are discussed.

Key Words: close relationships, fatherhood, low-income families.

Historically, successful long-term relationships have

been marked by the achievement of marriage,

cohabitation, and childbearing. In recent decades,

however, marriage rates have declined, cohabitation

rates have increased, and increasing numbers of chil-

dren have been born outside of marriage (Bumpass

& Lu, 2000). However, relationship researchers have

continued to focus primarily on relationships in

which these three events co-occur. Demographic

changes suggest the emergence of alternative pair-

bonding sequences, in which each event is an

independent choice (Pinsof, 2002). For example,

low-income parents are less likely to marry than par-

ents with adequate economic resources (Lichter,

Graefe, & Brown, 2003). Do relationships between

unmarried parents continue over time, and if so,

how? Parents may cycle in and out of coresidence or

even reestablish positive interaction after marriage.

Conceptualizing long-term relationships as trajecto-

ries, not statuses, may allow researchers to attend to

the processes of how unmarried parents interact with

each other over time.

Using a modified grounded methods approach

(LaRossa, 2005), we examined life history interviews

with a sample of 71 low-income unmarried fathers

in the Midwest, who described long-term, positive,

but essentially unresolved relationships with mothers

of their children. These men indicated that they

turned to their children’s mothers for emotional

support, and some anticipated these stalled relation-

ships leading to marriage ‘‘when we get things going

right.’’ In this paper, we develop the concept of sus-

pension as a viable relationship trajectory over the life

course of low-income unmarried parents. We then

explore three critical dimensions of this trajectory:

partner support despite environmental and family

barriers to long-term relationships, presence of chil-

dren and delinking of partnering from parenting,

and hard-earned investment during the wait to for-

malize relationships.

*This study was conducted with support from the W.T. Grant Foundation, the National Institute for Child Health and Human Development under Project No. 5

R03 HD 42074-2, and the Purdue Research Foundation at Purdue University. The authors would like to thank Janey Cunningham for assistance in data analyses.

**Kevin Roy is an assistant professor in the Department of Family Studies at the University of Maryland, 1204 Marie Mount Hall, College Park, MD 20742 (kroy@

umd.edu). Nicolle Buckmiller is a doctoral student in the Department of Family Science at the University of Maryland, 1204 Marie Mount Hall, College Park, MD

20742 (nicolle.buckmiller@gmail.com). April McDowell is a doctoral student in the Department of Family Science at the University of Maryland, 1204 Marie Mount

Hall, College Park, MD 20742 (april.mcdowell@gmail.com).

Family Relations, 57 (April 2008), 198–210. Blackwell Publishing.

Copyright 2008 by the National Council on Family Relations.