The war on fornication.

• Author: Bagge, Peter
• Position: Culture and Reviews - Cartoon

YEARS AGO, A FRIEND OF MINE WENT TO THE DRUGSTORE TO PURCHASE THE NEW "MORNING AFTER" PILL, AKA PLAN B....

SLUT!

SO SHE WENT TO ANOTHER PHARMACIST, WHO FILLED HER PRESCRIPTION, NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

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IT WAS THE THIRD TIME THAT YEAR SHE'D GONE TO THIS SAME PHARMACY TO OBTAIN EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION ...

AND HE'S CLEANING EVERYTHING I TOUCHED WITH DISINFECTANT!

HE WANTS TO PUNISH ME BY FORCING ME TO BECOME A MOTHER?

UNFORTUNATELY, THE OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE PHARMACIST BEHIND THE COUNTER HAD BEEN KEEPING TRACT OF HER VISITS, AND SAID ...

I'M SORRY, BUT I'M GOING TO HAVE REFUSE TO FILL YOUR PRESCRIPTION ...

IT'S BECOME OBVIOUS THAT YOU'RE A VERY IRRESPONSIBLE WOMAN ...

AND HERE, TAKE ONE OF THESE.

?!? I DON'T UNDERSTAND ...

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YEARS LATER, THIS SAME FRIEND HAD ANOTHER "OOPSIE," SO THIS TIME SHE TOOK HER BOYFRIEND WITH HER TO THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD WALGREENS ...

TRA LA LA ...

... WHOSE PLAN B POLICY WAS GOING THROUGH CONSTANT REVISIONS, DUE TO THE VOLATILE POLITICS SURROUNDING THE DRUG.

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MY FRIEND KNEW NOTHING OF THIS, SO IMAGINE HER SURPRISE WHEN THE YOUNG DRUGGIST INSTRUCTED HER BOYFRIEND TO STEP AWAY FROM THE COUNTER ...

"STEP AWAY"?! WHY?

IT'S COMPANY POLICY, SIR ...

IN CASE YOU'RE TRYING TO COERCE HER INTO TAKING DRUG ...

WHAT?! BUT THAT'S RETARDED!

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THE PHARMACIST THEN WENT INTO A LONG, LOUD EXPLANATION OF HOW PLAN B WORKS ...

NOW TECHNICALLY PLAN B ISN'T AN "ABORTION PILL" ...

I DON'T CARE!

DO YOU TALK TO HEMORRHOID SUFFERERS THIS WAY?!

S-SORRY BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS STUFF ...

I'M AS HUMILIATED AS YOU ARE!

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IF PUBLIC HUMILIATION IS THE GOAL, WHY NOT GO ALL OUT AND GIVE FEMALE CUSTOMERS THE FULL TALIBAN TREATMENT?

HOW DARE YOU APPEAR IN PUBLIC WITH A MAN WHO ISN'T YOUR HUSBAND!

AND PUT THIS BURKA ON NOW!

IT'S COMPANY POLICY!

YOW!

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OH, WAIT--WE WAGE WARS AGAINST SOCIETIES THAT HARBOR SUCH PRIMITIVE VIEWS ON SEXUALITY. I FORGOT!

PLAN B HAS REVIVED A WAR AGAINST CONTRACEPTIVES IN GENERAL--DUE IN PART TO FALSE COMPARISONS WITH RU-486, WHICH IS AN "ABORTION PILL"!

AS GOD'S OFFICIAL SPOKESMAN, I SAY DON'T USE THE "ABORTION PILL"...

... OR ANYTHING LIKE IT! GOD HATES ALL THAT CRAP!

AND DON'T FORGET TO PAY YOUR TAXES ...

AMEN.

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RATHER THAT RACING FOR A WAITING EGG, SPERM ARE MORE LIKELY THE ONES WHO HAVE TO WAIT--SOMETIMES UP TO FIVE DAYS--BEFORE AN EGG IS RELEASED FROM THE OVARIES ...

WHERE IS THAT EGG?

... BITCHES ALWAYS KEEPING US WAITING ...

MUMBLE GRIPE...

PLAN B IS BASICALLY A "HOT SHOT" OF THE SAME HORMONES USED IN BIRTH CONTROL PILLS, WHICH...