The Unthinkable Becomes Real.

• Author: White, Marie
• Position: LITERARY SCENE - Essay

WHEN OUR TODDLER was abducted, we had to make decisions while simultaneously facing the moment-by-moment terror. There is no handbook for parents whose child has been taken. We were making decisions in the best way that we could, while simultaneously having our bodies flooded with adrenaline and Cortisol. This made thinking difficult. I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, but it was three days before I realized that it was okay not to be okay.

Some days I am numb, just making it through the day. Other days I am full of hope, waiting with baited breath for an email, call, or doorbell that says our child is coming home. Pastor James MacDonald said, "By faith I can choose the future over the moment." We have to choose the future, because this moment is full of heartache.

I have to stop myself when I start to imagine what a changed person our child will be when returned, or when I try to imagine being given the worst news. I remind myself not to grieve before the grief. If the worst never happens, then I have grieved for nothing, and if it does, then the time for grieving will come. I do not need to do it twice.

Experiencing a missing child also has led us to other opportunities to help people, new friendships, and the chance to love people we never would have known. We are tasked with the assignment of bringing light into dark places and fighting for the future of a child who is worth all of this.

It is a privilege to be used in these ways. The Bible says that if we can stay strong, and persevere, then we will see a good result. God's timing is perfect. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we wiD reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9)

I have searched the Bible, and listened to hundreds of Christian songs. Nowhere can I find one that says to give up, take the easy way out, or to despair. Every verse says the opposite--keep hoping, keep trying, keep straining on tiptoes to see past the horizon, to the good that God will make from this event. There is evidence of the miraculous all around us.

"Being brave isn't supposed to be easy," said Sam Bems while dying of the premature aging disease Progeria.

Have you found that family has become even more precious to you? Do you feel that at any moment this could be the last time you may see them? Are you beginning to wonder if you will have more struggles?

Sometimes I am filled with jealousy and anger over the thought that someone else has my child. I...