The Ties That Bind: Midlife Parents' Daily Experiences With Grown Children
| Published date | 01 April 2016 |
| DOI | http://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12273 |
| Date | 01 April 2016 |
K L. F The University of Texas at Austin
K K University of Massachusetts Boston∗
K S. B University of Michigan∗∗
S H. Z The Pennsylvania State University∗∗∗
The Ties That Bind: Midlife Parents’ Daily
Experiences With Grown Children
Daily pleasant or stressful experiences with
grown children may contribute to parental
well-being. This diary study focused on midlife
parents’ (N=247) reports regarding grown
children for 7 days. Nearly all parents (96%)
had contact with a child that week via phone,
text, or in person. Nearly all parents shared
laughter or enjoyable interactions with grown
children during the study week. More than half
of parents experienced stressful encounters
(e.g., child got on nerves) or stressful thoughts
about grown children (e.g., worrying, fretting
about a problem). Pleasant and stressful experi-
ences with grown children were associated with
parents’ positive and negative daily moods. A
Department of Human Development and Family Sciences,
The University of Texasat Austin, 108 E. Dean Keeton St.,
Stop A2702, Austin, TX 78712–1248
(kngerman@austin.utexas.edu).
∗Department of Gerontology, John W.McCormack
Graduate School of Policy and Global Studies, University
of Massachusetts Boston, 100 Morrissey Blvd., Boston,
MA 02125-3393.
∗∗Institute for Social Research, University of Michigan, 426
Thompson St., Ann Arbor, MI 48104.
∗∗∗Department of Human Development and Family
Studies, The Pennsylvania State University,204 Health and
Human Development Building, University Park,PA 16802.
Key Words: ambivalence, daily stressors, diary study,grown
child, intergenerational relationships,midlife, parent.
pleasant experience with a grown child the same
day as a stressful experience mitigated effects
of those stressful experiences on negative mood,
however. The ndings have implications for
understanding intergenerational ambivalence
and stress buffering in this tie.
Parents are often in touch with their grown
children; more than half of midlife parents
report contact with a grown child every day,
and 75% to 90% report contact at least once
a week (Arnett & Schwab, 2013; Fingerman,
Cheng, Tighe, Birditt, & Zarit, 2012). Indeed,
rates of contact between adults and parents
have increased over the past 25 years, in part
because of cellular phone, e-mail, and other
technologies that render communication con-
venient and low cost (Cotten, McCullough,
& Adams, 2012; Fingerman, Cheng, Tighe,
et al., 2012). The implication of such frequent
contact warrants consideration. In childhood,
daily interactions with children affect parents’
mood and well-being (Larson & Richards, 1994;
Repetti, Wang, & Saxbe, 2011), and the same
may be true in adulthood. Despite frequent con-
tact and the potential impact of grown children
on parental well-being, however, few studies
have examined daily experiences in this tie.
In this study we examined the modalities par-
ents use to be in touch with grown children on
Journal of Marriage and Family 78 (April 2016): 431–450 431
DOI:10.1111/jomf.12273
432 Journal of Marriage and Family
a daily basis (e.g., phone, text, in person). We
also examined the emotional valence of daily
experiences (i.e., pleasant, stressful). We then
asked whether positive and negative relation-
ship qualities with each grown child are associ-
ated with different modes of contact and daily
emotional experiences. Finally, we considered
parental daily mood as a function of daily expe-
riences with grown children.
M C E D
E W G C
Although extensive research has documented
frequent contact between adults and their par-
ents, little is known about how this contact
occurs. In this study we examined contact in
person, by phone, and by text messaging or
e-mail. On the basis of pervasiveness of use
(Cotten et al., 2012), we expected parents to be
most likely to report telephone contact with their
grown children. Texting is equally convenient,
but it may be less familiar to some parents ages
45 to 65. We were interested in what modes of
contact parents and grown children use and how
those modes of contact may be associated with
the emotional valence of parents’ daily experi-
ences with grown children.
With regard to emotional valence, minor
stressful or pleasant experiences in everyday life
may accumulate to inuence well-being. Indeed,
daily stressors and supportive exchanges in mar-
riage have been associated with daily mood
and general well-being (Almeida, Wethington,
& Kessler, 2002; Birditt, 2014; Gleason, Iida,
Shrout, & Bolger, 2008); the same may be true
in intergenerational ties. Weconsidered pleasant
encounters, stressful encounters, and stressful
thoughts involving grown children each day.
Daily Pleasant Encounters
In studies relying on global reports, parents
have described frequent pleasant encounters
with grown children (Fingerman, 2000). Thus,
we expected parents to report pleasant encoun-
ters often when asked on a daily basis. Pleasant
daily encounters may occur even when the
parties do not see each other in person. For
example, parents might exchange jokes with a
grown child via e-mail or text. The family sci-
ence literature is surprisingly silent on laughter,
yet popular psychology suggests that ties to
grown children may be punctuated with humor
(Covey, 1997), and we examined laughter in this
study.
Daily Stressful Experiences
We expected parents also to report stressful
experiences with grown children throughout
the study week, though less often than pleas-
ant experiences. Prior research has found that
parents report their grown children sometimes
irritate them, that grown children get on their
nerves, or that parents may regret how they
behaved toward a grown child (Birditt, Miller,
Fingerman, & Lefkowitz, 2009; Fingerman,
2001; Levitzki, 2009).
Cognitive behavioral theories suggest that
individuals’ thoughts about events and other
people also inuence their mood. Throughout
childhood, parents invest energy thinking about
their children’s problems, and old habits may
persist after children are grown. We expected
parents to report stressful thoughts about grown
children—that they worry about their children or
fret about problems with a child (Hay, Finger-
man, & Lefkowitz, 2007; Levitzki, 2009).
Mixed Pleasant and Stressful Experiences
We also considered a mixture of experiences:
pleasant encounters and stressful encounters
with or stressful thoughts about grown children
on the same day. A vast literature has docu-
mented ambivalence in intergenerational ties,
suggesting parents frequently experience mixed
positive and negative sentiments toward their
grown children (Birditt, Fingerman, & Zarit,
2010; Fingerman, Pitzer, Lefkowiz, Birditt, &
Mroczek, 2008; Lowenstein, 2007; Pillemer
et al., 2007). The ambivalence literature has
relied primarily on global ratings, however.
In this study, we looked at whether parents
reported both positive and negative experiences
with their children on the same day, that is,
whether such ambivalent experiences co-occur
in a short time frame.
R Q D C
We also were interested in whether daily
experiences with grown children are associ-
ated with global relationship qualities in the
tie. We considered relationship qualities and
(a) mode of contact and (b) daily emotional
experiences.
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