The Role of Western Religious Values in Peacemaking for Divorcing Families

• Published date: 01 July 2015
• Author: Jeffrey A. Marx
• Date: 01 July 2015
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/fcre.12160

THE ROLE OF WESTERN RELIGIOUS VALUES IN PEACEMAKING

FOR DIVORCING FAMILIES

Jeffrey A. Marx*

Peace (wholeness and integrity) is to be sought as the highest goal in the divorce process, affecting not only the divorcing cou-

ple but their family and community as well. The value of “community” found in the three major Western religious traditions

suggests that more than just the immediate family should be involved in crafting divorce settlements and that the involvement

of clergy may aid in the divorce process, especially in providing rich religious metaphors and exempla to promote peaceful

negotiations. Other religious values such as “humanity in the divine image,” “love,” and “the fullness of time” can be useful in

working with the divorcing couple to allow their stories to be told, provide time to sort out their complex emotions, and help

reduce the impulse to see the other solely as an enemy to be eliminated in battle. “Sin and atonement” can serve an important

role in restorative justice, while “the delayed arrival of the divine kingdom” provides a reasonable way to assess what deter-

mines success, both for the divorcing couple and for divorce professionals.

Key Points for the Family Court Community:

Religious values found in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam can be consciously utilized to help divorcing couples sepa-

rate more peacefully.

Providing opportunities for each spouse to be fully heard and seen is a crucial component in helping to bring more

peace into the divorce process.

Keywords: Bible; Christian; Divorce; Islamic; Jewish; Koran; Peace; and Religion.

Peace, peace, to him that is far off and to him that is near (Isaiah 57:19).

APOLOGIA

At first blush, it seems that I’m in dangerous waters, here, bringing religion into the realm of the

courts when, in fact, historically, not only has our legal system been reluctant to enter into religious

matters but civil judges are very careful about utilizing specific religious tenets as operating princi-

ples of the court. While it is true that, at times, the court has had to enter the religious realm in order

to weigh freedom of religious expression against compelling state interests—vaccinations, head

coverings, Sabbath observance, military draft, and display of religious symbols come immediately to

mind—the deliberate interjection of specific religious beliefs and doctrines into the workings of the

court system has been studiously avoided based on the Establishment Clause of the First

Amendment.

1

Moreover, there are modern critics of religion who would characterize any attempt to interject reli-

gious values into our secular society as, at the least, hypocritical and, at worst, destructive. “What do

our Western religions, filled with a history of holy wars and murder of those labeled ‘infidels,’ have

to teach us of peacemaking?!” they would exclaim.

2

Even more thoughtful historians of religions

would caution us that our religious values developed over thousands of years are complex and often

contradictory. Certainly none of our Western religions can claim to be strictly pacifistic. All embody

the words of Ecclesiastes 3:8: “There is a time of war and a time of peace” (Ecclesiastes 3:8).

3

Correspondence: Rabbi@TheSMS.org

FAMILY COURT REVIEW, Vol. 53 No. 3, July 2015 388–397

V

C2015 Association of Family and Conciliation Courts