The parent trap.

• Author: Slingluff, Emily Hunter
• Position: MIND & BODY

DOES ANYBODY WANT to make this a better place? The world can be no better than the people in it. So, let us think about helping make people better. First off, what does making people better mean? It means more caring about each other--being honest and kind. We can imagine what would happen if people were much better. There would be less crime, dishonesty in business, and meanness in elementary schools. There would be productivity because those who are able would try to help each other. We probably will not be able to make life on Earth utopian, but we can try and, in doing so, we will succeed in making it a much better place.

So, changing people is what we need to do. A good place to start is parenting. We do any job better when we know it is important, giving it more thought and energy. Name a task that is more important than parenting--there is none. Always, in any job, we need a goal. If we do not have one, then the job most likely will be done sloppily. So, what is the goal in the job of parenting? Do you, as a parent, have a goal for your children? Almost every parent wants to do what is best for the kids. They absolutely do not have to do what the parents next door are doing or even what their own parents did, unless they so choose. They do not have to: set limits; be sure the child knows who is boss; or make the child miserable, over and over again.

So, what exactly should parents have as a goal for children? The answer I receive from many parents of varying circumstances, including parents who have abused their offspring, is the same. The goal should be happiness. Yes, real, true happiness, meaning an appreciation of life itself. The person who truly is happy, who appreciates life, appreciates not only his or her own life, but the lives of others. Happiness is a big word. After all, happiness is the goal of psychiatrists in treating patients. Why not just get it right from the beginning?

Mothers and fathers should reach the goal of instilling true happiness by parenting with guidelines and communication instead of rides and punishment. If a parent has rules, there must be punishment when a rule is broken. If not, there will be chaos in the parent-child relationship. So, because children are human, a rule sometimes will be broken, either on purpose or inadvertently. The consequence must be punishment, but punishment in the parent-child relationship is harmful. It means that there are two sides, one side setting rules and meting out...