The Incoherence of Serjeant Arabin

• Author: Bryan A. Garner
• Pages: 26-27

26 || ABA JOURNAL MARCH 2018

The Incoherence of Serjeant Arabin

A look back at the nonsensical pronouncements from the all-time

champion of judicial illogic

By Bryan A. Garner

At least twice a c entury or so, our profession should

be reminded of perhaps the most incoherent judge in

the history of the Engli sh-speaking world: William St.

Julien Arabin. This Dickensia n character was most nota-

bly memorialized 50 years a go in Sir Robert Megarry’s

little book Arabinesque-at-Law, which is both fu nny and

sad—sad especial ly when you’re reminded that Arabin

issued non sequiturs from the t rial bench for some 15

years.

Serjeant Arabin , as he was known, served in the 1820s

and 1830s as a crimina l judge in the Old Bailey, the cen-

tral crimi nal court of England and Wales. In those days,

the law reports were made by young bar risters, and

Arabin’s pronouncements were taken down at various

times by 16 di erent ones. By far the most prolifi c among

these was Henry Blencowe Church ill,

the son of a solicitor in Oxfordshir e, who

wrote that he was “re sponsible for the

strict verbal ac curacy” of his reports.

Churchill’s claim of accu racy is cred-

ible. Arabin’s obituary in the London

Times (1841) called the judge “an origi-

nal, absent, eccentr ic man, not want-

ing in mother wit, but very much lack ing

the faculty of ex pressing himself ratio-

nally.” One of his colleagues, Serjea nt

Ballantine, descr ibed him as a “shrewd,

quaint little man” who “enunciated

absurdities wit h most perfect innocence.”

I’ve often wondered whether mod-

ern psychology or psychiatr y could diag-

nose the mental impairment that c aused

Arabin’s bizarre combination of irra-

tional dogmatism and con fused ideas.

Perhaps. But I imagine you’d prefer some

examples .

Here are a few of the judge’s obscure

aphorisms:

• “No man is fi t to be a chee semonger

who cannot guess the lengt h of a street.”

• “A man with a cold is not fi t to try a

lady’s shoes on.”

• “Thieves are more likely t o live in the

best neighborhoods than in the wors t.”

• “Interrupting and robbing are the

same thing.”

• “What passes at the moment is the

best evidence of what the mind feel s at

the instant.”

• “What passes in t he presence of one prisoner is evi-

dence against the other pris oner, i f they are both in the

same indictment.”

IN HIS OWN DEFENSE

Arabin often procla imed his own intelligence coher-

ently enough (these are from di erent ca ses):

• “I know what’s what.”

• “I never forget anything.”

• “I am not a fool.”

• “My judicial eye never deceives me.”

Despite his trumpet ed mental prowess, Arabin

acknowledged cert ain physical frailties. In one cas e,

when counsel complained that the cour troom was drafty,

Arabin declared: “ Ye s. When I sit here, I fancy myself on

the top of Mount Breeze; and the fi rst

thing I do every morning of the se ssion

is to go to the mirror a nd see if my eyes

have not been blown out of my head.”

It’s hard to imagine that onlookers kept

a straight face.

Arabin ty pically made snap judg-

ments. In one case, a man name d

Buckley was one of two defendants

charged with st ealing a handkerchief.

Buckley asked a witnes s whether he’d

seen him with the ha ndkerchief. The

witness said no. Upon convict ion of both

defendants, Arabin sa id to Buckley:

“The moment I heard your question,

I knew that you were both pract iced

thieves—com mon pickpockets.”

Arabin claimed for him self almost

supernatural powers i n judging: “I can

try this ca se in fi ve minutes; and it will

take any other judge, whoever he may

be, two hours.” He once said to a wit-

ness: “Now, mind: We sit here day after

day, year after year, hour aft er hour, and

we can see through a ca se in a moment.”

No fan of stare decisis, a s you might

imagine, Ar abin was unmoved by prec-

edents. When counsel o ered t o cite

cases in support of his p osition, Arabin

declared: “I don’t care anyt hing for any

cases whatever.”

He was partia l to quick trials, some-

times suggesting th at both trial and

execution could take place w ithin fi ve

SHUTTERSTOCK

Bryan

Garner

on Words

A man

with

a cold

is not fi t to

try a lady’s

shoes on.

—William St. Julien Ar abin

Practice