The Don'ts and Do's of Divorce During the Holidays: "The holidays are an emotional time for many people and even more so when those individuals are going through a divorce. It is very tempting to be vindictive and do things to annoy your soon-to-be ex during the holiday season. My advice is to resist."

• Author: Newman, Jacqueline

He's making a list and he's checking it twice. No, not just Santa, but your soon-to-be ex-spouse. You should do the same.

Do not allow the divorce to ruin your holiday spirit. So, the lights are not as bright and the Christmas songs are a bit more annoying than usual; that does not mean that holiday spirit as you know it is over. The fact is that, while this year may be tough, next year will be easier. The best present you can give to yourself when going through a divorce is allowing yourself to know you will survive this. Spend the holiday with friends (the family you choose for yourself) and do whatever you can to get through the season with as much dignity and joy as possible.

Do not take this opportunity to discover religion. So, you are Jewish and never celebrated Christmas in your life--until you met your spouse. Now that you have had a few Christmas dinners under your belt, you want to be able to spend Christmas with your children when you know that it is a very very important holiday for your spouse and his/her family. I am not going to belittle the commercial charm of Christmas and the sparkle in your kids' eyes when they come down on Christmas morning in their feety PJs and see the piles of presents waiting for them. It would be very upsetting to miss that. However, unless you are going to get a tree and replicate the holiday the way that the children have experienced it during the marriage, you should give the day to the spouse who really will celebrate it. Use the leverage for getting some other times of the year that mean a lot to you and, more importantly, let your children maintain the very special holiday in the way that they remember it.

Do not let the sentimentality of the holiday season weaken your positions if you are going to regret it. Yes, it is the season of giving; just be sure not to give away everything you hold near and dear. You have been working so hard all year to reach a settlement and there are certain positions you have maintained because they are quite important to you. While I am not advising that you not budge on positions that are not important, but just fun to hold on to, I am saying that you should not let the eggnog go to your head and agree to things that you will regret come Jan. 2.

Do not become Super Santa because of guilt. This is the first Christmas without your children, so you decide to celebrate the week before. Because you feel so terrible about the impending divorce and want your kids to...