THE BOOKSHELF

• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/j.174-1617.1993.tb00288.x
• Published date: 01 January 1993
• Date: 01 January 1993

THE

BOOKSHELF

The

Narcissistichlorderline

Couple

Joan

Lochkar

BrunnerMazel, New

York,

1992

In an effort to understand one of the most intense/chronic forms of marital conflict

(which often continues to be acted out in the courts, during and sometimes many years

after divorce), Joan Lochkar has brought together self-psychology and object relations

theories in her description of

the

complexities of the narcissistichorderline couple.

A

formidable task, she has done an admirable job in her thorough clinical description

of

this very difficult couple type within an integrated framework of these two theories.

Even though no one knows the frequency of such couples in the general popula-

tion or among those divorcing, any therapist or attorney working extensively with

divorcing couples will recognize in Lochkar’s description some of their most difficult/

insolvable cases. The combining of a person with

a

borderline personality disorder

with a narcissist is no accident because each was drawdattracted to the other in order

to reactivate unconscious personal problems from childhood. In their ill-fated “dance

of intimacy,” the borderline seeks to bond and hold on while the narcissist withdraws

and detaches-leaving both frustrated. In effect, each partner is seeking to resolve

developmental deficits but goes about it in a manner that is highly destructive.

As

with essentially all marital conflict, a borderline personality married to a

narcissist results in a unique style of interaction, with the partners then becoming

“trapped” in their own circularhepetitive interactional sequences. The same old

conflicts are acted out over and over again, with each partner quickly learning the

steps in their unhappy, but entirely predictable, dance.

As in her

1986

article

(“NarcissisticE3orderline

Couples: Implications for Medi-

ation,”

Conciliation

Courts

Review,

24(

1).

3 1-43),

Lochkar describes how borderline

and narcissistic personalities withhold child support and visitation rights from each

other as they continue their pathological dance in the courtroom.

Although Lochkar’s book will probably be too psychologically technical for

attorneys and judges, therapists working with highly conflicted and/or divorcing

couples will find this framework one of the most useful available today. Within the

court system, many of the most conflictedlitigated couples probably fit Lochkar’s

description of the narcissistichorderline couple. Such couples need intensive psycho-

therapeutic intervention, not further litigation, if they

are

to have any chance at all

of

breaking out of their destructive cycles.

In the opinion of this reviewer, such couples need long-term divorce therapy,

which is certainly cheaper than courtroom litigation-and definitely more to the point.

FAMILY AND CONCILIATION COURTS REVIEW, Vol

31 No.

1,

January

1993 138-139

0

1993

Sage

Publications,

Inc.

138