THE ANGUISH OF A LITTLE BOY TELLS THE BROKENNESS OF IT ALL**

• Date: 01 December 1986
• Published date: 01 December 1986
• Author: George Ferrick
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/j.174-1617.1986.tb00150.x

THE

ANGUISH

OF

A

LITTLE

BOY

TELLS

THE BROKENNESS

OF

IT

ALL**

George

Ferrick*

We are accustomed to hearing people

in pain tell their stories of brokenness and

tragedy. We sympathize with them, with peo-

ple in Ethiopia and Afghanistan and Bhopal,

and sometimes we reach out with assist-

ance. But we seldom hear the pain of little

children caught in ordinary tragedy and

brokenness, for they cannot tell it; only a

few of us ever witness what they can

express.

This 4-year-old boy in front of me ex-

presses it, crying and clinging to the hall-

way bench in the courthouse. His parents

are separated eight months now, and divor-

cing.

At first he sat calmly and comfortably

in the middle chair between them in my

office as

I,

a court custody mediator, talked

with them. He had enjoyed time with each

separately in the hallway while

1

was meet-

ing with the other parent alone. When they

all were in the room together for the con-

cluding part of the session, he had a con-

tented look on his tiny face.

Now the conference has come to an

end, and as the small boy passes through

the door into the hallway it strikes him: He

suddenly sees that his parents are dividing,

heading in separate directions to go their

separate ways. Sensing that he must say

goodby to his father (until his next sched-

uled time), he starts crying. He runs to the

hallway bench and clings to it, sobbing in

great waves.

As

an adult

I

couldn’t imagine, and as a

4-year-old he couldn’t tell, the pain that he

was feeling, living his life between his two

parents, separated by both time and place

from each of them according to a schedule

or the whims of parental cooperation.

The brokenness of it all!

And should the parents reunite, as the

father would like “for the sake of our son”

(and whose heart would not be moved by

the experience in the hallway?), then would

there be healing and happiness? Accord-

ing to the mother there would be drunken-

ness, heated arguments and physical fight-

ing. Brokenness also.

If

this boy grows into a teen-ager who

joins a gang, or commits a crime, or has

trouble with the discipline required to do

schoolwork, it will not be “because of

divorce,”

so

simply put. It will be because

of the brokenness of it all-brokenness that

can exist in intact family life as well-in

the hostility between two parents.

Sometimes the brokenness of it all has

to hit squarely between the eyes or rip the

heart before mending can begin. At such

times some individuals sense deep in their

bones or souls a crying need for rescue,

some force that may move

a

heart away

from cruelty or egoism toward cooperation

or solidarity or even loving care.

With such brokenness about, there is

great need for such a power.

As

I

watched

the boy and felt the waves of his pain throb

down that corridor,

I

could only hope that a

source of healing might be found for him,

some attempt at harmony and sensitivity

for the tender heart of a child.

*George Ferrick is a senior family counselor/ media-

tor on the staff of the

Los

Angeles Conciliation

Court.

**Originally appeared in the

Los

Angeles Times edi-

torial section on February

27,

1985;

reprinted with

permission.

97

CONCILIATION COURTS REVlEWlVOLUME

24,

NUMBER PlDECEMBER

1986