Tale of the tape: the Washington Monthly measures up the heavyweights in the 2008 presidential campaign.
Author | Nussbaum, Jeff |
Position | Brief article |
HILLARY "DONE DEAL" CLINTON
Height: 5'6"
Reach: National
Weight (Wait): Since the health care defeat of 1994
Fighting style: Stays to the center of the ring, hard to pin in corner
In her corner: Bill Clinton, Mark Penn, Patti Solis Doyle, Mandy Grunwald, Howard Wolfson, Harold Ickes, Terry McAuliffe, Tamera Luzzatto, Angelo Dundee, the Republican establishment
[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]
vs.
BARACK "PROFESSOR PUGILIST" OBAMA
Height: 6'1"
Reach: International, possibly interplanetary
Weight (Wait): Since convention speech of 2004
Fighting style: Above the pettiness of our current boxing world
In his corner: Oprah
RUDY "QAEDA HATA" GIULIANI
Height: 5'10"
Reach: Anywhere Verizon can reach
Marriages: Three, to the discomfort of his Church
Hair: From combover to cue ball
Fighting style: Below the belt (savagely)
[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]
vs.
MITT "YOU CAN CALL ME MITT" ROMNEY
Height: 6'2"
Reach: Anywhere you want him to reach
Marriages: One, to the discomfort of his Church
Hair: As rich and pliant as the candidate from whom it sprouts
Fighting style: Below the belt (obligingly)
THE UNDERCARD
* What many consider the main event: Jeri vs. Judy
* Bill Richardson vs. Joe Biden in the "We Coulda Been Contenders...
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