Stuff Happens.

• Author: Puterbaugh, Dolores T.
• Position: Life issues

We do stuff and then stuff happens--or, we do not do something and then stuff happens. People react to that, and so do we, and then more stuff happens. Two-year-old children begin working this out, often in rudimentary experiments involving crayons and nostrils or teddy bears and toilets. There are our intentions, and all the infinite unknowns comprising the unintended consequences of every action and inaction. If one thinks about it for any length of time, the weight of it can lead to catatonia.

Even small decisions lead to all sorts of unexpected outcomes, some of which we will not experience but others undoubtedly will. You notice a person across the drive in the parking lot walking away from a shopping cart with an umbrella or cane left behind; you hustle over to retrieve it before that person leaves. He or she smiles and thanks you and drives off. Did that individual then smile at the postal worker, who in turn was cheery to the next customer, who really needed that compassion on a dark, sad day? Did someone see you do that and decide to behave likewise?

On the other hand, unintended consequences can be a mixed bag. Let us consider a woman around age 50 who has decided that she wants the same body she had at age 25, before she was a mom. She goes into overdrive, embracing a particular eating regimen and trains hard, focusing on losing fat and gaining muscle. She gets defined abs, something she did not even achieve in her 20s. She also gets a face that has lost what little youthful fat was left, leaving her gaunt. Does she gain a bit of weight back and hope against hope that some of it lands on her face? Does she decide with a shrug that this is what aging gracefully looks like? Does she opt for injectable rejuvenation treatments? Each decision will have all sorts of consequences, most unknowable when the first decision is put into motion.

Sometimes people deal with unintended consequences by taking on guilt and blame for something entirely out of their control. Consider the father of a much-loved adult daughter; she develops a drug addiction. She loses her job; she loses her apartment; he lets her stay with him "for a while." She deteriorates into stealing from him. Dad locks his bedroom door, sleeps with his wallet under the pillow, and otherwise practices all sorts of dysfunction.

The behavior he avoids is confronting the behavior directly and throwing her out of the house. He imagines he is keeping her somewhat safe, that he retains...