Tragedy strikes the workplace; reaching out to grief-stricken employees.

• Author: Curry, Lynne
• Position: HR Matters

Tragedy hands managers a hot potato, one few feel equipped to handle. How do you reach out to an employee who loses a loved one?

REACH OUT

When tragedy befalls an employee, most of us don't know what to say. As a result, we often say nothing. This creates a complete disconnect between the individual for whom everything has changed and his workplace, which today may represent the grieving employee's extended family.

Reach out to your employee, letting him know that you care and stand by him. Start with a simple statement such as "I am so very sorry." Then, give your grieving employee all the kindness you can--including leaving him alone if he shows he needs that more than sympathy. Because no two grieving individuals handle tragedy similarly, take your employee's lead in deciding what to do.

PREPARE AND ALLOW FOR EMOTION

Grief creates a tide of emotions. Your employee may fall apart and needs your understanding. Your employee may descend into despair or flash out in anger. At the same time, as a manager you may need to set boundaries such as "maybe you'd better take a personal leave day."

One person's grief also touches off sorrow in others. Because action helps ease this, co-workers may find it helpful to make concrete gestures that help their grieving co-worker--from donating paid time off to his account to signing a condolence note.

BE REAL; ALLOW OTHERS TO GIVE SIMPLE ACTS OF KINDNESS

Statements that minimize your employee's overwhelming grief such as "You'll get over it before you know it" backfire because they fall short when placed against tragic reality. Unless you truly do, avoid "I know just how you feel."

Similarly, mouthing the cliche "Let me know if I can do anything" does little for either person. Few grieving individuals can respond to an open-ended "you tell me what you need." Instead, those struck numb by grief rely on compassionate employers and coworkers to offer help in a way that lets them know they can ask for what they need. Helpful acts of kindness include offering to bring meals, take care of yard duties, or walk the dog, you say with word and deed, "I know you need time to heal. You have my...