Stress can drive mates apart.

• Position: Emotional, financial and medical crises can harm marriage

While it is comforting to think of spouses standing by each other in times of stress, it is well-documented that this isn't always the case. Financial, emotional, and medical crises often serve to shatter a marriage irreparably, rather than strengthen the bonds.

Why, exactly, does this happen, and how can couples work to make sure "stress fractures" don't occur in their relationships? There are several factors to consider, notes Jacqueline Cook, a marriage and family therapist and associate professor of family medicine at the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center.

The first is that both spouses bring to a marriage their own unique stress reactions, definition of a "crisis," and coping skills (or lack thereof)--all formed in the family in which they grew up. These reactions are not always compatible, so when stress-filled events occur--the loss of a job, the death of a child or other family member, chronic illness, etc.--a major factor in whether the marriage will survive lies in the problem-solving framework the couple has built together.

"If this mechanism works well and is firmly in place before a tragedy strikes, the odds of the marriage surviving unscathed are better," Cook indicates. "Also, if the couple has time to heal between losses and changes, it is better for the relationship. When people are under chronic stress, they tend to do only the necessary things required for day-to-day survival, and they have much less energy available to deal with emotional issues. If the stress has gone on for a...