A story of recovery.

"We've been talking about you and your `drinking problem' at Management Committee meetings lately."

"What do you mean my drinking problem? How about Sam and Ken and Jim? You know, our other partners who like to drink and party and relax just like me!"

"But it wasn't them who took some of the secretaries out for lunch, took them home with a couple of cases of beer and never showed back up the rest of the afternoon. It wasn't them who had to get `rescued' from the jailhouse by their pregnant wife after a scuffle with the cops. It wasn't them we were talking about, it was you! But we want you to know that we are behind you 100 percent. If you need time off, if you need money, if you need to go to a hospital, or whatever, we'll back you up."

(I can't believe this is happening; but most of all I can't believe they're offering to help me. I've felt more and more like an outsider with this group. They must have something up their sleeve--I'll just show them that I don't have a problem!")

My name is Bill, and shortly following that encounter with the only one of my law partners I really respected at that time, I called a local agency which deals with alcohol and drug problems and asked if they offered a "diagnostic interview," confident that they would give me a certificate or a note declaring, with requisite expertise, that I was right ... ol' Bill is not an alcoholic and does not have a drinking problem!

Well, I "passed" the alcoholic test with flying colors (the simple questions Ann Landers publishes from time to time: "Have you ever had some drinks just to get ready to go to a party? Have you ever had drinks in the morning to feel better after the night before? Have you ever promised to yourself not to drink, or to switch to just beer or wine, and broken your promise soon thereafter? Has your drinking ever interfered in any way with your work or with your family or personal relationships? etc., etc.). For me, something clicked when it was pointed out that only alcoholics (and not just heavy drinkers) can have alcoholic blackouts. You know, not remembering the second half of Monday Night Football games; not remembering the drive home the night before and checking the car for damage the next morning; having to ask your wife what kind of spectacle you made of yourself at the dinner party, etc. I had years of these recollections (or lack thereof!), and something "clicked" in my deluded mind at that moment with a simple realization. "Yes, indeed, I...