Show a Little Compassion.

• Author: Ehrenreich, Barbara
• Position: George W. Bush - Column

George II, also known by the Supreme Court as the "President," has asked us all to help make this a more compassionate nation. Some leading Democrats have already been pitching in--showing compassion to John Ashcroft, for example. Since many Americans have not yet gotten the hang of "compassionate conservatism," here are a few simple suggestions for things that you, as a plain, ordinary, sub-billionaire citizen, can do, right now, to end the tragic compassion deficit we are left with after eight years of Democratic rule.

First, show a little compassion to George W. himself. Here is a fellow whose tenure as governor of Texas was rarely interrupted by anything more arduous than a photo-op with the Austin 4-H Club, now suddenly thrust into a fiercely workaholic situation where even afternoon milk-and-cookies is likely to be consumed during some dull and over-long meeting. Help W. survive Meeting Hell: Send him your leftover coloring books today! Not only will they help him pass the interminable four years ahead, but they will give him and Laura many purposeful evenings classifying them according to the Dewey Decimal system, which she has--ever the conscientious librarian!--already applied to her own collection of well over twenty volumes.

Speaking of Laura, you might want to send her a copy of The Brothers Karamazov. True, it's slow going and by a foreign author of unspellable surname, but she claimed during the campaign that her favorite "book" was The Grand Inquisitor, and she might want to check out the context. Please, hold that snicker, you over-educated prigs: If she confused the chapter with the book--well, we all know about those Texas schools.

This should be a bipartisan program, of course, this effort to increase the net compassion supply, so you might want to direct a little loving-kindness toward our new Senator from New York. You know who I mean--the displaced homemaker who now has two vast million-dollar-plus homes (one in Chappaqua, one in D.C.) to furnish and clean. Think hard: Do you have anything to help fill the void left by Chelsea, Bill, and, now, Socks? A garrulous elderly relative, a throw pillow or two? Or you could commemorate her service as First Lady by sending her one of those stacks of medical bills rejected by your health insurance company--so essential these days to giving a home that "lived in" look.

In the same bipartisan spirit, you might want to do something for Jesse Jackson, just in case he fails in his bid...