Sever and saunter.

• Author: Durst, Will
• Position: Report on Iraq war

I don't know if you've got your head screwed on tight right now, but if not, you might want to pull out some eight penny nails and a claw hammer and place them in the ready position. Because after you see James Baker's recommendations for Bush's non-strategy in Iraq, you're going to want to nail your skull onto your spine before it spins off into the ether like a runaway flesh-colored balloon.

Baker's changes can be expected within the hour. As a matter of fact, look out: They're behind you. Here they come.

It is possible the result will be nothing more than another new slogan, since the phrase "stay the course" has already been replaced with the amorphous adjective "flexible." And though George Bush has yet to demonstrate he possesses the flexibility to bend down and undo the Velcro fasteners on his shoes, he has bet a large amount of his political capital on trying to sell us on his transmogrification into a limber fourteen-year-old female Olympic gymnast.

Even if actual action is called for, it's doubtful any of the Baker study group's strategic plans call for the President to step down and accept the position of greeter/shoveler at the official stables of the Arabian Horse Association, as would be my suggestion.

One of the options being bandied about is the slow withdrawal of our armed forces, known as "cut and run" when proposed by Democrats, but I'm sure Mr. Baker will trot out something a bit more circumspect like "shave and split," "slice and sprint," or "sever and saunter."

Another possibility, and this is the time to get a feel for the weight of that hammer, is being referred to as "alternatives to our effort to establish a democracy." Let me repeat that: alternatives to democracy.

Let's see, which alternatives to democracy are available for Iraqi consideration?

Communism? Unh, no. Don't think so. Too much emotional baggage. Would give a whole new slant to "red state."

A theocracy? Probably not. Although Pat Robertson and his buds might like it, not a road we want to go down. Yet.

Fascism? Doubt it. Not fair to impose the...