Selling Savings.

• Author: Wachtel, George
• Position: THE LETTER DOCTOR

THE FOCUS FOR MANY BANKS TODAY is to get a piece of the increasing American Savings Pie. Here is a prospecting letter sent out by Webster Bank, a New England regional player of some size that has a "special savings offer" that is more (or less) than it seems.

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1 Layout: You can just look at this piece and know what is wrong with the layout ... It is just too busy. The reader's eye will jump all around the page with no real focus or starting point. A great direct marketing writer (not me) once proffered, "If you emphasize everything, you emphasize nothing." And that is what happens here.

2 Headline: The weakness here is speaking in terms of product features, and not consumer benefits. Better to translate this headline for the reader and say something like, "Make your money work with our special savings rate!"

3 "Expect It": While this wording may seem out of place, it is a tie in to the bank's mass media slogan; so it is a good connection for them to make here, and later in the body copy.

4 Key points: This box treatment is good. It is an innovative way to deal with traditional "bullet points" in a graphic that is inviting and easy to read.

5 Teaser rate: But now, if the consumer reads this (and the disclaimer copy on the backside of the letter), they will discover two negatives: first, this rate is only good for 10 weeks from the deadline (and then?); and that they have to open a Webster Bank Premier Checking Account to be able to open the savings account.

6 Wording: I find "Savings Accountability" a...