Self-care for mommy lawyers

• Author: Jeena Cho
• Pages: 26-27

26 || ABA JOURNAL MARCH 2019

WOMEN, ESPECIALLY MOTHERS, carry a di s-

proportionate share of the cog nitive load when

it comes to child reari ng and running the house-

hold. This additional burden can le ad to increased

stress, especia lly for lawyers who are already under

tremendous pressure.

An importa nt strategy for manag ing stress and

maintaining well-being is self-care. Self-c are is defi ned

as any ac tivities that you do for yourself where you take

steps to identif y your own needs and meet them. It’s

about regularly doing activit ies to nourish yourself. It

means setti ng aside time to take proper c are of your-

self, and treat ing yourself as kindly a s you treat others.

I talk about self-ca re as part of my Better Lawyer ing

Through Mindfulne ss workshops, and often the partic-

ipants in the room who need self-ca re resist the most.

There’s an expectation that a good l awyer who is also a

mother is not allowed to have any time outside those t wo

roles—that any time spent cari ng for herself

is time being “selfi sh .”

Even though the words “self-care” and

“selfi sh” sound similar, they a re actually

opposite in meaning. When I pract ice self-

care, I am ta king the time to charge my own

battery or fuel my ta nk so that I can perform

better. As the saying goe s, you can’t pour

from an empty cup. In contrast , when I am

being “selfi sh,” I am tak ing something away

from another for my own gain or benefi t.

This confusion in concepts of ten leads to

feelings of guilt. Th is, in turn, can lead to a

vicious cycle where the lawyer -mother con-

tinues to give without an oppor tunity to

rest, rejuvenate and res tore herself.

For at least the fi rs t fi ve years of hav-

ing children while prac ticing litigation full

time, Stephanie Spark s, a partner at Jackson

Walker in Dallas, was “convinced that self-ca re

was just not possible for lawyers.” She fell into the

trap that many lawyer s fall into. “My mindset was

that I would have to get caught up with a ll of my

to-do lists at t he o ce plus al l of my to-do lists for

my children before I could even contemplate doing

something as frivolous a s self-care.”

Unfortunately, there is never an ideal or convenient

time for self-care, a s Sparks eventually realized. “I con-

tinually thought that if I could jus t get to the end of a

school year or a fi sc al year or the case I was working on,

then I could start t aking care of myself. Of course, tha t

never happened .”

For Sparks, incorporating self-c are activities happened

gradually. “It was an accu mulation of many di erent

events and a realizat ion that something had to change or

else I could not keep every thing going.”

Emily Little is director, legal counsel, at A lliance

Data in Powell, Ohio. She says, “By the end

of 2017, I was as heavy as I’d ever been,

exhausted and neede d a di erent approach.”

She remembers the date when she began her

self-care journey. On Dec. 31, her kids “ had

spectacula r meltdowns, and I just needed

an hour away. There was a yoga class during

nap time near my house, so I went.”

It’s important to note that there’s no pre-

scription for what you should do for self-care

or when. It’s all about understanding your

own needs. Sparks re alized something had

to change when she start ed running out of

steam. “I took baby steps—ma king doctor

appointments that I had needed for years ,

trying workout classe s and reading books for

pleasure. I had to choose t o prioritize these

activities a nd literally schedule them in my

Outlook calendar.”

On

Well-

Being

PHOTO COURTESY OF JC LAW GROUP; SHUTTERSTOCK

SELF-CARE

FOR MOMMY

LAWYERS

Taking planned breaks, even when

busy, isn’t selfi sh and can actually

help your performance

By Jeena Cho

Practice

“Self-care is defi ned as any

activities that you do for

yourself where you take steps

to identify your own needs

and meet them.”

—JEENA CHO