Section 9.11 Parenting Skills

• Library: Family Law Deskbook and 2014 Supp

D. (§9.11) Parenting Skills

With the abolishment of the tender years’ doctrine, courts no longer award custody to mothers simply because of past beliefs that mothers had superior parenting skills. The court instead will consider which parent has actually helped rear and nurture the child’s development. If both parents are employed outside of the home, neither parent has a superior claim to custody. In re Marriage of Estelle, 592 S.W.2d 277 (Mo. App. E.D. 1979). But see Hack v. Hack, 695 S.W.2d 498 (Mo. App. E.D. 1985), in which the mother was awarded custody even though the father cared for the children while the mother worked full time. The court recognized that the mother had been the sole provider for two years while the father was on tour with the Navy.

In Shelby v. Shelby, 130 S.W.3d 674 (Mo. App. S.D. 2004), the Southern District upheld the trial court’s grant of joint legal custody and sole physical custody to the mother. The trial court found that neither party prioritized parenting during the marriage, but the mother provided the majority of care to the children. Id. at 678. The father spent nearly all of his time hunting or at deer camp, and he did not provide care for the children until after the separation. Based on the father’s history, the court felt that he would not be able to care properly for the children on a full-time basis. It concluded that, because the father “lack[ed] the parenting skills and abilities of the natural mother,” it was in the children’s best interest to remain in her sole physical custody. Id.

In Davidson v. Fisher, 96 S.W.3d 160, 165 (Mo. App. W.D. 2003), the mother had an abusive boyfriend whom the court viewed as a possible danger to the child. The trial court awarded custody to the father even while recognizing he had “a less than impressive history of commitment” compared to the mother. Id. at 165. Because the mother’s boyfriend was potentially dangerous and out of deference to the trial court’s decision, the court of appeals upheld the trial court’s custody award.

In Farley v. Farley, 51 S.W.3d 159, 163 (Mo. App. S.D. 2001), the court affirmed the decision to grant the mother primary physical custody when evidence showed that, before separation, the mother was working full time and performed all the traditional household duties, including taking care of all of the son’s physical needs (as well as attending to medical needs). The father’s interest and participation with the son occurred only after separation; the record...