Saving your daughter's life.

• Author: Brown, Pat
• Position: Life in America - Essay

WHENEVER young women meet tragic ends--a jogger is raped and murdered by a serial killer, a teenager is killed by her boyfriend after she breaks up with him, a high schooler gets beat up by a group of girls she thought were her friends, or a series of prostitutes go missing after advertising on Craigslist--my phone starts ringing. I spend the next few days on a variety of talk and news shows speaking about what kind of person would commit such a horrendous crime. I often discuss how the poor woman or girl ended up a victim and give advice to other females on how to avoid a similar situation. I hope to save lives by sharing some thoughts that maybe have not occurred to some of the viewers or that might remind them of certain behaviors or choices that can put them in harm's way.

Usually, after the shows, I get e-mails from many people thanking me for sharing information that can keep them or their loved ones from harm. Here are two e-mails I received following my July 2011 appearance on television when I spoke of the brutal murder of high school graduate Lauren Astley by her ex-boyfriend:

"Ms. Brown:

"I just saw you on 'The Today Show' speaking about a recent tragedy involving the violent murder of a recent high school graduate by, police believe, her boyfriend.

"In that interview you spoke directly to girls who have recently broken up with their partner, advising that if that partner requests a meeting post-breakup that it not be done privately because the partner is counting on the fact that she's nice and will agree to meet.

"I can't agree with you enough!

"I fear, however, that we--in particular women--don't actually teach our girls that it's okay to refuse that 'one last time' or that it's okay and likely wise to break up in a public place or over the phone even, when one's partner exhibits dangerous traits.

"Moreover, we don't even do a good job of teaching our girls how, in the depths of teenage love, to spot the subtle signs that scream 'danger.' Nor do we teach them how to put words to those gut instincts that tell us something is amiss with our partner and relationship, or, simply, that we deserve better than what we've been experiencing in the relationship at hand. We do, however, do a great job of teaching them that it's important to be nice, understanding, caring, and nurturing without also teaching them to be wise and deeply instinctual, as though the former and latter attributes are mutually exclusive.

"So thank you for your...