Sari de la Motte: nonverbal communications expert.

• Author: Winter, Mary
• Position: ON RECORD - Interview

"When you show that you are both competent and that's when charisma happens."

Sari de la Motte is founder and CEO of FORTE, a communications consulting firm in Portland, Ore., that specializes in nonverbal intelligence. She has coached Fortune 500 executives, trial attorneys, government officials and educators on how to inspire those around them by focusing more on the messages they convey with their eyes, body, voice and breath than by the words they say. Assistant Editor Mary Winter interviewed de la Motte at the NCSL Legislative Summit.

State Legislatures: What does nonverbal intelligence mean and why is it important?

Sari de la Motte: Nonverbal intelligence is the ability to be aware, adaptable and authentic in your communication. First, to be aware both of your nonverbal communication and other people's nonverbal communication. Then it's being adaptable so that you know what you're seeing and how to change to make sure that good communication is happening, all while remaining authentic.

People define nonverbal intelligence differently, but it's not just about body language. For example, with body language or nonverbal communication courses, the first thing that comes up is how to tell if people are lying, supposedly by watching for blinking eyes and sweating palms, but I think that's missing the entire point of communication. A lot of the body language stuff out there isn't helpful or useful: a lot of the body language tricks are very inauthentic and borderline manipulative.

SL: What role does our voice play in nonverbal communication?

SM: There are two basic voice patterns that you hear in most situations. One pattern is authoritative, when your voice curls down at the ends of statements. You'll hear that voice pattern in the higher levels of any organization.

We also have the approachable voice pattern, which is a little bit more rhythmic and it curls up at the ends of statements. It means the person is more interested in the relationship at that moment.

SL: Which voice pattern affects how receptive people are to your message?

SM: Neither one is good or bad, it's more about timing. In fact a lot of communication is timing. When you're trying to describe an issue, you want to communicate with an authoritative voice pattern. And when you hear the authoritative voice pattern, you want to match it by also going authoritative.

If you hear the approachable voice pattern, you want to also use your approachable voice pattern. We somehow...