Rescuing the family from the homophobes and antifeminists: analyzing the recently developed and already eroding "traditional" notions of family and gender.

• Author: Goldscheider, Frances

ABSTRACT

We are experiencing significant and growing family heterogeneity. Whether it is the growth of single-parent families or the debate between men and women over gender roles of all kinds, we are in a period of rapid change, great flux, and immense heterogeneity. And it seems logical that if we are widening the family and gender norms, we should also include same-sex couples, who have valid claims of their own.

This Article provides a demographer's approach and historical context that can inform American society's perspective of same-sex marriages. By analyzing demographic data, I demonstrate that the seemingly traditional notions of family and gender, on which many arguments touting the value of two-parent, heterosexual families are based, were only recently developed and have been eroding with the entrance of women into the public workplace and men's increasing assumption of greater roles within the private home.

CONTENTS INTRODUCTION I. DATA SUPPORTING AND CHALLENGING ASPECTS OF THE TRADITIONAL FAMILY STRUCTURE A. Biological Relationship B. Single Parenting C. Working Mothers II. RECENT HISTORY AND THE SOURCE OF THE TRADITIONAL FAMILY AND GENDER NOTIONS A. Imagery of Ancient Gender Roles Incorrect B. Industrial Revolution III. PHASE 1 OF THE GENDER REVOLUTION: WOMEN ENTERING THE PUBLIC SPHERE IV. PHASE 2 OF THE GENDER REVOLUTION: MEN MOVING INTO THE PRIVATE SPHERE A. Sharing the Private Sphere B. The Importance of Long-Term, Committed Relationships C. Implications for Same-Sex Marriage CONCLUSION INTRODUCTION

I am not a lawyer, but I will do my best to be clear and make points that can be understood and applied by lawyers. But first, I would like to give a disclaimer: clarity requires that I draw sharp contrasts. Sociologists regularly consider small differences--such as a difference of three percent or five percent--significant if you consider enough cases. When I draw sharp and seemingly general contrasts in this Article, I do so knowing they do not apply to everyone.

Society is experiencing a window of time during which there is significant and growing family heterogeneity. Whether it is the growth of single-parent families or the contestation between men and women over gender roles of all kinds, we are in a period of rapid change, great flux, and immense heterogeneity. And it seems logical that if we are widening the family and gender norms to include this kind and that kind and the other kind, we should also include same-sex couples, who have valid claims of their own.

This Article steps back to provide a historical context that can inform American society's perspective on same-sex marriages. Part I will present research results on early challenges to the "traditional family structure"--i.e., the growth of non-biological relationships, single parenting, and working mothers. In Part II, a discussion of traditional family and gender roles rebuts the notion that these roles have always existed and explains how they developed during the Industrial Revolution. Part III follows by describing how these traditional roles diminished as a result of women joining the workforce. Then, Part IV explains and analyzes the continued and future diminishment of traditional family roles caused by men undertaking household burdens. Finally, pulling from these family-structure trends and an emphasis on what best serves a child in a family, this Article concludes by asserting that same-sex marriage represents a great opportunity for, not a threat to, the quality of parenting in the United States.

1. DATA SUPPORTING AND CHALLENGING ASPECTS OF THE TRADITIONAL FAMILY STRUCTURE

   This Part reviews research that has ascertained the effects of certain family structures on parents and children. In this Article, the traditional family means a two-parent family with a stay-at-home mother and a working father. Several nontraditional family structures are considered in this Part. In particular, I address the effects of biological relationships, single parenting, and working mothers.

   1. Biological Relationship

      The New Family Structures Study (1) (NFSS) suggests that the best kind of family for raising children is a heterosexual couple composed of biological parents, (2) though I think most people know families with adopted children who agree that biology is not necessary for people to be highly invested, committed, and excellent parents. And we also know from experience that there are biological parents who are pretty lousy. So let us not worry about biology as it is at best weakly associated with the quality of parenting.

   2. Single Parenting

      Society is also worried about single parents. Much more research now exists on the topic. (3) Most studies suggest that if you know enough about the resources that these families have, an awful lot of what you find is that single parents do not have nearly enough money. (4) And money matters. (5) Further, there is some evidence that parenting is not quite as consistent in single-parent families as in two-parent families, (6) likely because a single parent is busy trying to do everything without much, if any, backup. It is amazing how children learn to take advantage of a lone mother who cannot gang up on them the way two parents can.

   3. Working Mothers

      Some research promotes the traditional family structure by also suggesting that parents should be not only heterosexual but a couple with the man employed and the woman at home. (7) Sociologists call this arrangement a "separate spheres" family, with the male and female parents working in separate public and private spheres, respectively. (8) Finding the separate spheres family to be the preferred default family structure means that every other sort of family is a deviation. Whether it is parents working long hours to pursue serious careers or single parents--these families are seen as inadequate.

      Let us not forget that this debate is really about same-sex couples and whether they could possibly be good parents. Why do we think that the only good parenting is by the labor of heterosexual couples in which the mother stays home? There has now been forty years of effort trying to document that working mothers are bad for children. (9) There also has been research during roughly the same period on whether women who take on paid jobs are more likely to divorce. (10) These studies are attempts conclude that women in the labor force create damaging instability for children. (11)

      But the research fails to fully support the narrative against working mothers. Unquestionably, employed women--particularly in countries where there is very little support for families like in the United States--tend to have fewer children than women who stay home and have high-earning spouses. (12) Families can live on one salary, but most people need to have two salaries to adequately support their desired lifestyles. (13) Hence, the need for two salaries naturally curtails the family sizes of working women. Careers for women can also be problematic by placing pressure on women to have their children at the right time. (14) I imagine most of the women law students in this room have struggled with the question of when is it too late to have children. Do I have to wait until I make partner? So, although families with working mothers may have fewer children, forty years of worried research has not found that children of working mothers do any less well. (15)

      As an early adopter of the working-female lifestyle, I was told by many people that I would never know how much I had damaged my children until they were grown. People said this even when I shared that my children seemed to be fine, living a stable life and accustomed both to having me when they had me--including all night, every night and holidays--and to having other kinds of care when they had other kinds of care. My children grew up fine and are successful, working mothers. Pulling from my experience, not to mention the failed research on mothers in the labor force, I have found that employed mothers are not a problem.

2. RECENT HISTORY AND THE SOURCE OF THE TRADITIONAL FAMILY AND GENDER NOTIONS

   1. The Imagery of Ancient Gender Roles Is Historically Inaccurate

      Why did we think it would be bad for women to work outside the home? In this Part, I want to focus on this traditional notion because this is what most of my research seeks to clarify. American society has long thought that the family, always and everywhere, was defined by men going off to work and women taking care of the home and the family. As mentioned earlier, this construction is called the separate spheres. (16) Many...