Relative contributions of actor and partner forgiveness and attachment to couples' functioning

• Published date: 01 July 2023
• Author: H. J. Conradi
• Date: 01 July 2023
• DOI: http://doi.org/10.1111/fare.12754

RESEARCH

Relative contributions of actor and partner forgiveness

and attachment to couples’functioning

H. J. Conradi

Department of Clinical Psychology, University

of Amsterdam, Amsterdam, The Netherlands

Correspondence

H. J. Conradi, University of Amsterdam,

Postbus 15933, 1001 NK Amsterdam.

Email: h.j.conradi@uva.nl

Abstract

Objective: The objective of this study was to examine the

relative contributions of actor and partner forgiveness and

attachment to couples’functioning.

Background: Violations of expectations between romantic

partners are inevitable and may cause severe relationship

distress. Both forgiveness and secure attachment enhance

constructive emotion regulation with positive effects on

relationship functioning. Although these effects have been

well documented in isolation, the relative contributions of

forgiveness and attachment to relationship functioning

have hardly been studied. This is unfortunate, as such

knowledge could inform effective interventions.

Method: A large Dutch national population sample repre-

sentative in terms of age and education (N=1,014 cou-

ples) was recruited and actor and partner effects of

forgiveness and attachment on relationship satisfaction

and instability were examined by applying actor–partner

interdependence modeling (APIM).

Results: Separate examination showed that actor and part-

ner forgiveness explained 14.2% of the variance of relation-

ship satisfaction and 7.2% of instability, while attachment

explained 46.7% and 18.9%, respectively. Simultaneous

examination showed shrinkage of forgiveness effects,

whereas attachment effects remained robust. Actor avoid-

ance was the main predictor of both outcomes, whereas

partner forgiveness displayed small to nonsignificant effects.

Conclusion: Effects of forgiveness on relationship satisfac-

tion and stability are modest compared to attachment.

Implications: The results suggest the importance of not

framing relationship problems exclusively in terms of for-

giveness but also in terms of the more inclusive attachment

Received: 25 May 2021Revised: 30 May 2022Accepted: 2 July 2022

DOI: 10.1111/fare.12754

This is an open access article under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs License, which permits

use and distribution in any medium, provided the original work is properly cited, the use is non-commercial and no modifications or

adaptations are made.

© 2022 The Author. Family Relations published by Wiley Periodicals LLC on behalf of National Council on Family Relations.

1032 Family Relations. 2023;72:1032–1048.

wileyonlinelibrary.com/journal/fare

conceptualization of emotion regulation, in order to

broaden the potential impact of interventions.

KEYWORDS

actor–partner interdependence modeling (APIM), attachment, couples’

functioning, forgiveness, nationally representative sample

Intimate relationships are important sources of well-being and resilience but also can induce

stress (Lebow et al., 2012). As needs and life goals of individual partners do not always align,

conflicts and transgressions will inevitably occur (Metts, 1994). Transgressions, or breaches of

expectations and appointments made by partners, can differ in their severity (e.g., not helping

with household chores, or having an extra-relational affair) and intentionality (e.g., forgetting

one’s partner’s birthday, or deliberately arriving late for dinner because one chooses to stay out

drinking with friends). Martin et al. (2019) found that transgressions occur approximately once

a week within long-standing relationships. Conflicts and transgressions may cause irritation,

anger, hurt, and distrust. How these negative emotions are regulated affects relationship satis-

faction and stability and, ultimately, the likelihood of the relationship continuing or ending

(Fincham et al., 2006). Forgiving a partner is one way through which to regulate emotions

(Burnette et al., 2014). Another well-documented source of emotion regulation between part-

ners is attachment (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016). Because forgiveness and attachment pertain to

emotion regulation within couples, establishing their relative contributions to both relationship

satisfaction and instability could prove important for helping to design interventions. Unfortu-

nately, only one study (Edwards, 2007) has hitherto simultaneously examined the associations

of both forgiveness and attachment with relationship satisfaction. The present study aims to

address this lacuna.

EMOTION REGULATION IN COUPLES: ATTACHMENT AND

FORGIVENESS

Effective emotion regulation within couples is considered complex as it requires adequate man-

agement of cognitions, emotions, and behavior within partners (cf. Gross, 1998), but also coor-

dination between partners at these levels as it has been found that partners coregulate each

other’s emotions (Levenson et al., 2015). Thus, emotion regulation is considered both an intra-

personal and interpersonal process. That is to say, partners influence each other through the

way they experience and express their emotions and respond to each other’s emotions, which

affects their relationship satisfaction and instability (Bloch et al., 2014).

Attachment theory explicitly defines emotion regulation as both an individual and an interper-

sonal process (Bowlby, 1982). The way partners regulate emotions varies by the attachment style

they are inclined to. Securely attached persons apply the primary attachment strategy of proximity

seeking toward their partner to regulate their emotions. When experiencing stress, they seek close-

ness to their partners and openly ask them to help fulfil their attachment needs for validation, sup-

port, and reassurance. Insecurely attached (i.e., anxiously and/or avoidantly attached persons)

utilize less functional emotion regulation strategies. These are rooted in an unfavorable learning his-

tory with their attachment figures (Ainsworth et al., 1978). Anxiously attached persons have a his-

tory with attachment figures who were inconsistently available and responsive to their attachment

needs. To overcome their fear of being rejected, they hyperactivate their attachment system by

claiming proximity and clinging to their partner. They coerce their partner to validate, support, and

reassure them. When these attachment needs are not met, intensified anger toward the partner who

is falling short may surface (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016). Avoidantly attached persons have a

FORGIVENESS, ATTACHMENT, AND RELATIONSHIP FUNCTIONING1033